Large and In Charge

I'm trying, yet again, to work on my weight.  I fail miserably all the stinkin' time.  It's such a taboo subject though.  People will joke and make fun of "large" people behind their backs, but when it's your friend or your family member, they are typically so nice.  They encourage them to be happy and love their curves.  I always talk myself out of working out and when I'm feeling down about how I look, my fantastic friends tell me how nice I look and that I should be happy with my body.  It just feeds my excuses to give up though.  My friends all say I'm fine, so I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.  They all tell me I should love my body, so I mine as well just accept what I have and quit being so frustrated that I can't change it. 

A good friend recently held me accountable though and said some really rough stuff.  It hurt at first, but she was so right.  I have NO room to sit around and mope about how bad I feel about my body when I'm the one that put myself in this situation.  No one force fed me unhealthy food.  No one has me locked up in a room so that I can't exercise.  No one is keeping my thyroid medication from me.  I'm lazy and then whine when I don't see any results.  Ouch.  True though.  I greatly appreciate her holding me accountable and telling me the truth out of concern for my health.

My other friends are right too though.  I should love and accept my body.  What I have to stop doing is using that as an excuse not to change.  Just because it's this way now doesn't mean it has to stay this way.  I associate this weight with "hate".  I hate my body so much that I can't find that strength and motivation to put the energy and effort into changing it.  I don't even like looking in the mirror or going out in public sometimes.  I'm convinced I'll just be this way forever.  It's time to flip that perspective though.  If I learn to love and accept this body, even at it's current state, I can open my eyes enough to finally see that I love my body so much that I want to take even better care of it.  I can hate being this weight without hating my body as a whole.  God created the human body to be a beautiful reflection of Him.  I have every reason in the world to love this body and take exceptional care of it. 

For the year 2015 I chose a word to live my life by.  I chose "Submission".  I want to submit to God in EVERY aspect of my life.  It's already proved to be challenging, but who doesn't love a good challenge?  Theodore Roosevelt said, “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”  For years, my weight has been an unconquerable challenge.  This year though, I submit to God, even in my struggles with weight.  I haven't been able to accomplish my goals on my own, so it's time to finally relinquish control and ask for His help in this.  It will not be easy.  It requires effort, I'll be in pain and it will be difficult.  It will be worth it though.  I want this for my life.  I want this for my spouse and my kids.  I want this for my friends who care about me and want me to be healthy.  I do this for my friend that held me accountable not because she wanted to tell me what a fatty I am, but because she believes in me enough to know that I can do this.  I might fail tomorrow, but the joy is that the next day is a new day and I can start again.  If I have to fail and start 100 times this year, I will.  I WILL do this.