I got in a bit of an undesirable discussion with a family member several months back. Feelings were hurt and grudges were held. Unbeknownst to me, those feelings and grudges continued on for months and months and months. When I became aware of the situation, I tried to explain and apologized sincerely and frequently...... without much reciprocation or even acknowledgment. Just more hurt feelings and grudges.
After much thought and discussion with my husband, I decided to apologize one last time and just leave the ball in their court. I had to accept the fact that I can't force someone to forgive me or even to accept my apology. So that's what I did. Weeks, months went by with no acknowledgment. Something I had to just accept and move on.
Yesterday, I finally got an email from the other party. They apologized for not responding earlier and said they heard a quote that fit the situation perfectly; "Words can be forgiven, but never forgotten". Which I understand to be completely true, BUT...... it begs the question, is it really forgiveness? As one of my dear friends always says, why bury the hatchet if you're just gonna leave the handle sticking up out of the ground?
Beggars can't be choosers I suppose, so I'll take this as the first step towards rebuilding the damaged relationship with my family member, but I can't help but feel like it was a backhanded attempt. "I forgive you, but I'm gonna hold onto these hurt feelings for just a little while longer." It makes we wonder if we really will ever be able to move on. Or if every time they look at me, their brow is going to scrunch and their lip curl just a little bit because all they are thinking about is that undesirable discussion from late last year. *sigh* Only time will tell, I suppose. I guess "Forgive and Forget" is unattainable at this point.
No comments:
Post a Comment