Don't Look Back

As I sit here and still struggle with letting go of a friendship (see previous post), I find myself constantly talking myself out of looking back.  I agreed to let go, I took all the necessary steps to let go, yet I still experience all kinds of things that make me think, "Ha!  *Former friend* would love this" or just wanting to go to some of our favorite hangouts.  That, in turn, results in me pouring my heart out to said former friend to remind her that I'm still around and I still care.

The trouble I'm having is that we originally agreed to let go of the fight we had and see where the friendship went.  Over the last several months, I've made numerous attempts to reach out to her.  I've sent well wishes, I've let her know that I'm thinking of her, I've offered congratulations on several things happening in her life, etc.  All with absolutely no response.  At this point, we've only seen/talked to each other twice.  Both were times that I made myself available at the drop of a hat because she needed something.  To vent about work stuff and to help with the kids when she was sick.  Which I don't mind doing at all.  We all need assistance from time to time.  Problem is, it's the only time we've talked. 

I don't want to be used, stepped on and walked all over.  I refuse to let my kindness be taken advantage of.  So now I find myself in a new place.  A place of...... anger and disappointment.  Not only do I need to make sure that I let go, but I have to stop looking back.  It's come to the point that it is crystal clear how this is all turning out.  No relationship (friendship, dating, marriage, family, etc) can mend when only one person is putting themselves out there and trying to make things work.  What I need to accept is that I have no control or power over how other people choose to do things.  I did my best.  I apologized and I tried to rebuild the relationship.  It's all anyone can do by themselves, so the rest is beyond my control.  Letting go is fine, but now I have to make sure I don't look back.  Otherwise the hurt, anger, disappointment and resentment will just keep building .

The friendship may be over, but I still care for her as a person.  I don't want those feelings of anger and resentment being what I associate with her.  It's time to move on.  Truly move on.  It's time to simply remember the good times we did have and leave it at that.  I'm thankful for the friendship while it lasted and wish her nothing but success, happiness and blessings in the future.  Even though it means I don't get to be a part of any of it.