Don't Look Back

As I sit here and still struggle with letting go of a friendship (see previous post), I find myself constantly talking myself out of looking back.  I agreed to let go, I took all the necessary steps to let go, yet I still experience all kinds of things that make me think, "Ha!  *Former friend* would love this" or just wanting to go to some of our favorite hangouts.  That, in turn, results in me pouring my heart out to said former friend to remind her that I'm still around and I still care.

The trouble I'm having is that we originally agreed to let go of the fight we had and see where the friendship went.  Over the last several months, I've made numerous attempts to reach out to her.  I've sent well wishes, I've let her know that I'm thinking of her, I've offered congratulations on several things happening in her life, etc.  All with absolutely no response.  At this point, we've only seen/talked to each other twice.  Both were times that I made myself available at the drop of a hat because she needed something.  To vent about work stuff and to help with the kids when she was sick.  Which I don't mind doing at all.  We all need assistance from time to time.  Problem is, it's the only time we've talked. 

I don't want to be used, stepped on and walked all over.  I refuse to let my kindness be taken advantage of.  So now I find myself in a new place.  A place of...... anger and disappointment.  Not only do I need to make sure that I let go, but I have to stop looking back.  It's come to the point that it is crystal clear how this is all turning out.  No relationship (friendship, dating, marriage, family, etc) can mend when only one person is putting themselves out there and trying to make things work.  What I need to accept is that I have no control or power over how other people choose to do things.  I did my best.  I apologized and I tried to rebuild the relationship.  It's all anyone can do by themselves, so the rest is beyond my control.  Letting go is fine, but now I have to make sure I don't look back.  Otherwise the hurt, anger, disappointment and resentment will just keep building .

The friendship may be over, but I still care for her as a person.  I don't want those feelings of anger and resentment being what I associate with her.  It's time to move on.  Truly move on.  It's time to simply remember the good times we did have and leave it at that.  I'm thankful for the friendship while it lasted and wish her nothing but success, happiness and blessings in the future.  Even though it means I don't get to be a part of any of it. 

Our California Vacation: Part 7 - Disney's California Adventure

This is the second park of the Disneyland resort.  This park has less character/movie rides and more thrill rides.  Gabe and I were very excited.  The others were nervous, to say the least.  We started off our morning very similar to our Disney day.  California Adventure has a 50's theme that we really liked.  It was just cool and calm. The park wasn't officially opened yet, so we wandered through the many shops just in time to get towards the front as they opened the gates.


We stumbled upon a familiar blue monster and, as usual, Brayden was the only one that wanted to go say hello.  Then we hopped on Monsters Inc the ride.  Hollywood Tower of Terror was just across the street, but no one would ride it with me.  We headed to A Bug's Life instead.  It was really cute how you truly felt like you were in the movie.  Every little detail made you feel like you were a teeny tiny bug, just like in the movie.  Blades of grass two stories high, lightning bugs as street lights, match boxes as the seat to our little car..... it was just really cute and fun.

After riding everything (twice) in Bug's Land, we came around the corner to the area I was probably most excited about.  CARS LAND!  As you turn to face down main street of Radiator Springs, it quite literally looked exactly like the movie.  This was another moment when I had this overwhelming feeling of this is Disney.  This is that feeling everyone is always talking about.  I felt like a kid and I like I was standing inside my favorite movie.  

  We did everything Radiator Springs had to offer.  Billy even rode the Cars ride, which he insisted was a "roller coaster".  It was yet another ride that turned him a little green.  In fact, I don't think he rode anything else the entire day.  He was done, done, done, done, done.  We decided to just take it easy after that.  We strolled through Radiator Springs.  Saw a few "friends" and just soaked it all up. 

Everyone talks about some of the amazing food at Disney.  We tried several of the must-haves, but our favorite was a big, giant loaf of sourdough bread at the Wharf.  It was delicious and just the carb snack we needed to get us through the other half of the park.  This thing was the size of a person's head.  Brayden's head, to be exact.  We nibbled on this thing for quite some time.  Even after all five of us had our fill, there was still plenty to put in the bag and save for later.  It was delicious and I highly recommend it if anyone ever goes for a visit.

After our snack, we went to the area of the park known as the boardwalk.  It's filled with lots of really fun, traditional-type amusement park rides.  Including the craziest ferris wheel I think I've ever seen.  The thing was taller than I can even begin to guess and had two riding options.  You could either sit in a stationary bucket, like we did.  Or you could sit in one of the buckets that rolled back and forth along a track.  So as the whole thing slowly spun, some of the buckets would roll to the outer edges of the wheel and sling you out like you were gonna go right off the edge.  Then you'd roll back towards the center of the wheel.  Not cool. 

We rounded off the day with multiple rides on some of the kids' favorites.  We even dragged Billy onto a water raft ride down Grizzly mountain.  I know you're not supposed to get angry while at the happiest place on earth, but I do believe that Billy was angry with me.  He did not enjoy that ride anymore than he enjoyed the 'roller coaster' in Cars Land.  He fussed at me and told me I lied to him about the "small drops" down the river.  You would think that I shoved him off the side of a 4 story building the way he tells the story. 

It was very cold that evening, so we headed home before closing.  We had dinner in Downtown Disney and rode the bus home for yet another very peaceful, relaxing nights sleep.  I've said it before and I will say it again.  Disneyland was AMAZING!