True Christmas Blessings

People often mention that I come off a little scrooge-ish when it comes to the holidays.  I don't like to decorate, I hate all the clutter associated with the holidays and I hate spending money on things that just aren't necessary.  Sure some of the holiday stuff is really cute and I'd like to have it if I had disposable income coming out of my you-know-what, but I just can't justify it.  Not only that, but I just don't find joy in it.  Some people do, and that's fantastic, but it's just not my thing. 

I find too often that during the holiday season people get borderline obsessed with "things".  That perfect gift, that certain wrapping paper, the tree looking just so.  I see people trample over one another to grab the hottest electronic of the season and I see families fight because a child knocked over a fancy Christmas vase or wouldn't stop touching the expensive ornaments on the tree.  It's all just stuff, yet people are willing to cause people physical harm over it.  Why?  It's just stuff.  People constantly boast about "the true meaning of Christmas", but very few actually live it.  There is a balance where you can do both, I've seen it with my own eyes, but very few people pull it off. 

I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to pull it off, hence the reason I don't participate much at all.  I don't want the "stuff" to consume our lives.  I don't want to build sheds or cram our attic full of "stuff" just to store decorations that get used one month out of the year.  I don't want to panic every time the kids get too close to the tree because they might break something.  I don't want to stress that I didn't get something someone really wanted for Christmas when we already are blessed with so much.  It's too easy to be consumed by materialistic things.  It seems like the holiday season just embodies that for so many people.

So my goal is to raise our children to have an understanding of the true meaning of Christmas.  For us, that means the birth of Jesus Christ.  It means looking back on the year and remembering all the blessings we had.  It means ending the year together with plans and dreams for the future.  Yes, it also means a few gifts and other common holiday traditions, but I want that to be the added bonus, not the root of it all.

So call me a Scrooge if you must.  It's far from what I'm attempting to do though.  If anything, in the story of Scrooge, I'd say I'm more like Bob Cratchit.  Just a mild-mannered person dedicated to my family that wants everyone to be happy, healthy and loved.  Everything else is just a bonus. 

Don't Look Back

As I sit here and still struggle with letting go of a friendship (see previous post), I find myself constantly talking myself out of looking back.  I agreed to let go, I took all the necessary steps to let go, yet I still experience all kinds of things that make me think, "Ha!  *Former friend* would love this" or just wanting to go to some of our favorite hangouts.  That, in turn, results in me pouring my heart out to said former friend to remind her that I'm still around and I still care.

The trouble I'm having is that we originally agreed to let go of the fight we had and see where the friendship went.  Over the last several months, I've made numerous attempts to reach out to her.  I've sent well wishes, I've let her know that I'm thinking of her, I've offered congratulations on several things happening in her life, etc.  All with absolutely no response.  At this point, we've only seen/talked to each other twice.  Both were times that I made myself available at the drop of a hat because she needed something.  To vent about work stuff and to help with the kids when she was sick.  Which I don't mind doing at all.  We all need assistance from time to time.  Problem is, it's the only time we've talked. 

I don't want to be used, stepped on and walked all over.  I refuse to let my kindness be taken advantage of.  So now I find myself in a new place.  A place of...... anger and disappointment.  Not only do I need to make sure that I let go, but I have to stop looking back.  It's come to the point that it is crystal clear how this is all turning out.  No relationship (friendship, dating, marriage, family, etc) can mend when only one person is putting themselves out there and trying to make things work.  What I need to accept is that I have no control or power over how other people choose to do things.  I did my best.  I apologized and I tried to rebuild the relationship.  It's all anyone can do by themselves, so the rest is beyond my control.  Letting go is fine, but now I have to make sure I don't look back.  Otherwise the hurt, anger, disappointment and resentment will just keep building .

The friendship may be over, but I still care for her as a person.  I don't want those feelings of anger and resentment being what I associate with her.  It's time to move on.  Truly move on.  It's time to simply remember the good times we did have and leave it at that.  I'm thankful for the friendship while it lasted and wish her nothing but success, happiness and blessings in the future.  Even though it means I don't get to be a part of any of it. 

Our California Vacation: Part 7 - Disney's California Adventure

This is the second park of the Disneyland resort.  This park has less character/movie rides and more thrill rides.  Gabe and I were very excited.  The others were nervous, to say the least.  We started off our morning very similar to our Disney day.  California Adventure has a 50's theme that we really liked.  It was just cool and calm. The park wasn't officially opened yet, so we wandered through the many shops just in time to get towards the front as they opened the gates.


We stumbled upon a familiar blue monster and, as usual, Brayden was the only one that wanted to go say hello.  Then we hopped on Monsters Inc the ride.  Hollywood Tower of Terror was just across the street, but no one would ride it with me.  We headed to A Bug's Life instead.  It was really cute how you truly felt like you were in the movie.  Every little detail made you feel like you were a teeny tiny bug, just like in the movie.  Blades of grass two stories high, lightning bugs as street lights, match boxes as the seat to our little car..... it was just really cute and fun.

After riding everything (twice) in Bug's Land, we came around the corner to the area I was probably most excited about.  CARS LAND!  As you turn to face down main street of Radiator Springs, it quite literally looked exactly like the movie.  This was another moment when I had this overwhelming feeling of this is Disney.  This is that feeling everyone is always talking about.  I felt like a kid and I like I was standing inside my favorite movie.  

  We did everything Radiator Springs had to offer.  Billy even rode the Cars ride, which he insisted was a "roller coaster".  It was yet another ride that turned him a little green.  In fact, I don't think he rode anything else the entire day.  He was done, done, done, done, done.  We decided to just take it easy after that.  We strolled through Radiator Springs.  Saw a few "friends" and just soaked it all up. 

Everyone talks about some of the amazing food at Disney.  We tried several of the must-haves, but our favorite was a big, giant loaf of sourdough bread at the Wharf.  It was delicious and just the carb snack we needed to get us through the other half of the park.  This thing was the size of a person's head.  Brayden's head, to be exact.  We nibbled on this thing for quite some time.  Even after all five of us had our fill, there was still plenty to put in the bag and save for later.  It was delicious and I highly recommend it if anyone ever goes for a visit.

After our snack, we went to the area of the park known as the boardwalk.  It's filled with lots of really fun, traditional-type amusement park rides.  Including the craziest ferris wheel I think I've ever seen.  The thing was taller than I can even begin to guess and had two riding options.  You could either sit in a stationary bucket, like we did.  Or you could sit in one of the buckets that rolled back and forth along a track.  So as the whole thing slowly spun, some of the buckets would roll to the outer edges of the wheel and sling you out like you were gonna go right off the edge.  Then you'd roll back towards the center of the wheel.  Not cool. 

We rounded off the day with multiple rides on some of the kids' favorites.  We even dragged Billy onto a water raft ride down Grizzly mountain.  I know you're not supposed to get angry while at the happiest place on earth, but I do believe that Billy was angry with me.  He did not enjoy that ride anymore than he enjoyed the 'roller coaster' in Cars Land.  He fussed at me and told me I lied to him about the "small drops" down the river.  You would think that I shoved him off the side of a 4 story building the way he tells the story. 

It was very cold that evening, so we headed home before closing.  We had dinner in Downtown Disney and rode the bus home for yet another very peaceful, relaxing nights sleep.  I've said it before and I will say it again.  Disneyland was AMAZING!

Our California Adventure: Part 6 - DISNEYLAND

I woke up very early on this particular morning.  It was one of the coolest days thus far.  I tried to get dressed and ready as quietly as possible, but I was just too excited.  We were FINALLY going to Disneyland.  All the other stuff had been fun and exciting, but this was the reason we came to California. 

I finally couldn't take it anymore and threw all the curtains back and shouted, "GOOD MORNING!  IT'S DISNEY DAY!"  As expected, I was the only one that was super excited.  Everyone rolled out of bed and got dressed.  We gathered our essentials for the day and headed downstairs.  It was still about hour until the Disney bus route opened.  There was a shop connected to our hotel building, so we grabbed muffins for breakfast and shopped around the store to kill time.  That took up all of about 20 minutes.  We decided to just sit at the bus stop to eat and wait.

To my surprise and delight, the bus pulled up not too long after.  It started running early for whatever reason.  After a very short ride, we were there!  We pulled through the "Welcome to Disneyland" sign and the bus dropped us off right at the gates.  I was a little weary when we got to the gates and I saw all the Halloween decor.  I love Halloween, but I wanted to experience the magic of the original Disneyland, not Halloween stuff. 

I'm happy to report that it made no difference at all.  The park was still just as magical and pretty with all the fall decorations.  It just made it even more festive and magical.  It felt like a beautiful fall morning and Disney looked like a beautiful fall morning.  It was perfection.  We were early though, so we had to stand in line waiting for the gates to open.  Pinocchio hung around to greet us as we patiently waited and the kids read the names on the brick sidewalk.  Time flew by, really.  It was chillier than I realized though and the kids were whining about that.  Because it's not a vacation with the kids if there isn't at least a little bit of whining. 

The gates finally opened and we all walked in together.  Unfortunately, I missed that moment of the heaven's opening up and trumpets sounding because we had to all make an emergency break for the bathrooms.  Priorities, priorities.  After a quick bathroom break though and regrouping, we walked around the train station and towards Main Street, USA.  When you looked down the street, you could see Sleeping Beauty'scastle.  Brace yourselves for this part..... I was underwhelmed.  It was a castle, but more like a castle that you'd see as a prop for the high school play.  I just wasn't impressed. 

Since you couldn't actually go past Main Street yet (the park wasn't officially open for ANOTHER hour), we went to customer service to get our "First Time Guest" buttons.  Alyssa, Daddy and I proudly wore ours.  The boys tossed theirs in the backpack.  LOL  Then we just browsed all the shops.  There were a LOT of shops.  Some were just souvenir-type places, others were fancy jewelry stores, crystal galleries, custom tiaras, coffee shops, candy boutiques, fancy restaurants..... it was just a plethora of shiny, yummy must-haves.  We ended up grabbing a corn dog.  Again, that's how we roll.    

Oh, and Brayden met Goofy along the way.  Brayden was definitely the only one particularly interested in the characters.  The rest of us would just kind of wave and move on.  They are neat to see and all, but..... eh. Brayden wanted to say hello, hug them, get a picture and interact with them though.  And not just a little side hug.  Nope, a full-on, giant bear hug!  He was totally in to it.  My sweet, little Brayden.

Then...... the music sounded, the announcer welcomed us and Disneyland was officially open!

Our first stop was what Brayden was most excited about.  The Indiana Jones ride.  He's quite the fan of the movies and just knew that the ride was going to be the best thing ever.  No one else wanted to ride it, so it was just the two of us.  He proudly strutted past all the jungle trees and across a rope bridge.  I could barely keep up he was walking so fast.  He was just too excited for words.  Then we had to walk into the temple.  His pace slowed a bit.  Then you turned a corner and started towards what looked like a mine.  The lights flickered and there were some creepy noises.  Brayden promptly spun on his heels and started back the way he came.  LOL  Some a-hole guy behind us wasn't helping.  He was making ghost sounds and talking about all the bad stuff that was going to happen.  Total jerk.  I picked Brayden up and carried him the rest of the way. 

There are so many things to look at, even in just the ride lines, that it was easy to distract him.  There were signs warning me not to step on certain stones on the floor, so he finally perked up and helped me with that.  He got back down and helped me navigate the dungeon or mine or whatever it was we were in.  We finally got up to where you load onto the ride.  We got into the truck, fastened our seatbelts and Brayden hid his face in my arm.  The ride was really neat and fun.  Brayden didn't see any of it.  He did finally open his eyes at the very end when Indiana Jones is hanging from a vine and the big giant rolling rock comes after us.  That's the last few seconds of the ride though.  We pulled up to unload and you would have thought that he just conquered the world!  He hopped out and said, "THAT WAS AWESOME!".  Reminder: He hid his face the ENTIRE TIME!  :)  It didn't matter though.  He rode it and it was awesome.  His life was complete.


After that, we headed towards Critter Country.  As excited as Brayden was for Indiana Jones, Alyssa was ten times as excited to get to the Hundred Acre Wood in Critter Country.  Because who lives in the Hundred Acre Wood?  None other than Eeyore.  She's waited her whole life to meet that donkey and she could barely contain herself.  First, we found the Pooh ride.  She knew she was getting closer.  Then we saw Eeyore's house!  Her eyes lit up.  Eeyore couldn't be far.  She did note that it was a rather small house for such a big donkey.  No wonder he was always so sad.  There was practically no line for the ride, so we all got on.  You see Eeyore a few times on the ride, but she wasn't satisfied.  There had to be more.  We exited the ride and walked through a small souvenir shop.  Side note: They had almost NOTHING Eeyore related.  A few stuffed toys, but that was it.  No t-shirts, no backpacks, no ears, no necklaces - nothing.  We were rather disappointed. 

We left the shop, walked around the corner and there he was!  Eeyore, in the flesh..... er..... furr!  We got in line to meet him and Alyssa was a little anxious.  She wasn't sure if she wanted to hug him or not.  Brayden and I volunteered to stand next to him in the picture and she could stand wherever she felt comfortable.  She hesitantly stood next to him, but wouldn't touch him.  We all smiled for the picture and I pulled away from him to try to give Alyssa the opportunity to get a little closer if she wanted.  I said, "Eeyore - this is Alyssa.  She's your biggest fan."  Eeyore turned towards her and bent down just a little.  He patted her on the head and rubbed her arm.  *sniffle*  I tear up every time I retell this story.  The look on her face was priceless.  All her worries and fears melted away.  She was in heaven!  They held hands and she rubbed his paw.  She looked up at me and said, "Momma, he's so soft" and just snuggled up against him.  *sniffle again*  We said our goodbyes, waved and told him to have a good day.  Now Alyssa was the one that felt complete and could die happy.  She met Eeyore - and it was everything she had hoped it would be. 

The youngest two had things they were really excited to see or do, but the eldest child?  He wasn't very enthusiastic about anything.  In fact, he wasn't having the best day.  In his defense, he had every right to be a little pouty.  All of the rides at Disneyland were 2 or 4 riders.  Because of Brayden's age, he had to ride with an adult.  Because Alyssa was nervous and scared of practically every ride, she needed to be with an adult.  That left Gabe as the odd man out.  Every single ride that day he rode solo.  Even if he was in the same section of the ride as us, he didn't have a partner to sit with.  That'll put anyone in a foul mood.  I felt really terrible for him.  So we rode some things multiple times so that he could ride with someone.  That didn't make him feel any better though.  He also just wasn't into any of the rides.  Nothing really perked his interest.  He did have quite the smile on the Dumbo ride though.  It went faster and higher than he realized.  Since he was a solo rider, he got to control it and do whatever he wanted.  He loved it. 

He was also the only one tall/old enough to ride solo at Autopia.  So he got to drive a car all by himself.  When it was over, he said, "It's really hard to push the gas pedal, steer and pay attention to where you're going."  Tell me about it, kid.  We spent the rest of the day riding rides and watching shows.  We watched Storm Troopers fight off Jedis while we ate lunch.  We went into Tony Stark's Iron Man room and saw all the suits.  We played with all the cool gadgets in "The House of the Future".  We were just soaking in all the sights and sounds that Disney had to offer.  Some major rides were closed due to prepping them for Halloween and/or yearly maintenance.  It was one of the cons of going in the off season.  Practically no wait time for the rides and very small crowds was definitely worth it though.  I'd do it again. 


Towards the end of our first day, we found the Toy Story ride.  Gabe finally perked up and showed a little interest.  "This might be fun", he said.  It was another two-seater ride, so he frowned as he got into the seat alone.  Then he realized that this was a shooting game!  Since he was riding solo, he got to use both guns!  His frown immediately turned into a devious grin.  We all started shooting the bad guys and trying our best to rack up as many points as possible.  Gabe was quite boastful that he had the most points.  Having control of two guns does have its perks.  I was sad that it took all day, but it made my heart smile to finally see him smiling and excited about how much fun he was having. 

We rounded out the evening by buying a couple ridiculously priced Mickey balloons and chose our spot for the parade.  The sun was starting to go down, bright lights popped up from the tops of the buildings on Main Street and the music began.  As the band rounded the corner and I could see Mickey and Minnie dancing on the float, it was probably the first time all day that I really, truly felt like THIS is Disney!  It was fun, energetic, festive and just pure Disney joy.  I really loved the parade.  It was also the first time I realized that the performers that work at Disney are legit!  These aren't just average joes that dress up and walk around.  There is some real, actual talent.  Musicians, dancers, actors..... these people are ta-len-ted!

Our first official day at Disney was over.  Brayden was asleep (he slept through the entire parade actually), Alyssa was ready for dinner and Gabe wanted to go check out the Lego store in downtown Disney.  We ate a nice, big dinner at the Rain Forest Cafe and browsed through all the stores at downtown Disney.  It was a really great day.  We had so much fun, in fact, that we ended up missing our bus and had to walk back to the hotel.  It really wasn't that far though and gave us time to just be calm and unwind.  I can honestly say that I have absolutely no recollection of entering our hotel room and laying down in bed.  We were all zonked and slept like babies that night.  A day at the happiest place on earth leads to a night of the best sleep of your life.  We all slept like peacefully that night.

Our California Adventure: Part 5 - Huntington Beach

After we left Universal Studios, we headed to Huntington Beach.  We got a little lost and turned around, but we found it.  We knew if we drove towards the ocean, we'd have to finally bump into it.  And once we did...... beautiful.  Just beautiful.  The smog was no longer an issue and you could see out forever.  The ocean and the sky seemed to meet in the middle and you couldn't tell where one ended and the other began (isn't that a line from Forrest Gump?).  It was just gorgeous.

 We all ran out through the sand and towards the water.  The waves came crashing in and the Pacific ocean water rolled across the tops of our feet.  We then promptly ran back towards the dry beach.  It was FREEZING!!  Gabe and Alyssa hung back while Brayden and I went for it.  That little boy has no fear.  He wanted to go as deep as possible and wanted the waves to knock him down.  So that's what we did. We didn't bring our swimsuits (SWIM in that water?  Are you kidding me?!), so we just rolled up our shorts and went for it.  It was so much fun.


Looking back, we should have planned for one whole day at the beach rather than just a couple hours.  I've never seen the kids have so much fun and be so happy just sitting and being somewhere.  There were no televisions or cool rides or fancy electronics.  It was just mother nature and they were soaking it in.  We played in the frigid water for quite awhile.  The waves were getting bigger and bigger as the sun started to go down.  We built sand castles on the beach.  Alyssa kept squealing with delight every time the waves pulled back to expose lots of new seashells to collect.  Her pockets were overflowing with them.  We sat on the beach for a little while and watched the seagulls.  They sure are funny little things.  We couldn't help but do lame "Finding Nemo" jokes.  Then we walked down the beach and under the pier.  We had to literally drag the kids back to the car - they didn't want to leave.  It was so beautiful and peaceful.  I definitely want to live on the beach some day. 

Our California Adventure: Part 4 - Universal Studios Hollywood

Third full day in California.  As a part of our "City Pass" entertainment package, it came with tickets to Universal Studios Hollywood.  I actually wasn't too keen on going there, I didn't think the kids would like it, but since it was essentially free we decided to go anyway.  I am so very glad that we did!  Actually getting to Hollywood was..... an experience.  You haven't driven in traffic until you've drive in California traffic.  I wasn't even the one driving and I'm still a little traumatized by it. 

There's a big, open shopping area before you actually get up to the theme park.  Full of great restaurants and stores that we don't see very often back home.  Particularly, "Dark Horse Comics".  My sweet husband was like a kid in a.... well, comic store, but it's cuter than it sounds.  Especially when I stood back and just watched him.  He was in full tourist mode and was so giddy when he saw the wall full of Captain America comics and paraphernalia. I love that man.  He's just so cute.  Please note the sunglass tan line and the backpack stocked with sunscreen & aloe gel with lidocaine.  I think I forgot to mention that Billy, Alyssa and I got a really bad sunburn at Sea World.  It prompted the purchase of all the floppy hats you'll see in the rest of the photos.

As expected, the kids were not down for any of the rides at Universal.  It's also a relatively small park, so we went through it pretty quickly.  We did "Shrek" in 4D, but it freaked the kids out and they didn't want to do anymore.  We were all really stoked to ride Jurassic park, but once we actually got down to it, everyone chickened out.  After the "Journey to Atlantis" ride, I learned that I don't handle rides as well as I used to.  And the boys realized they weren't as adventurous as they though.  Alyssa has never liked that stuff and Billy prefers to keep his feet on solid ground, so..... yeah, no Jurassic Park ride for us. 

We DID get to see Bumblebee though!  That was pretty neat.  Brayden seemed to be the most adventurous when it came to meeting characters, so he was the only one that went up to say hello (with Daddy in tow of course).  I don't know if he'd admit it, but even Billy was pretty stoked to be interacting with Bumblebee.  It's not everyday that you get to say hello to a Transformer. 

After we walked around some more and saw what there was to see, I begged for us to stay a little longer and catch the "Animal Actors" show.  It was a really cute show full of animals (almost all are rescues!) that have appeared in shows and movies.  I recognized a few.  Particularly the dog from "Marley & Me" .His real name is Jonah and he was quite the entertainment.  I'll get to that part in a minute.  You know who else was entertaining?  Brayden.  Literally!  He got called on stage and got to interact with the animals.  He was probably on the stage longer than most animals were.  I think we might have a star on our hands. 

I had to cut that part a little short because my camera battery was getting low and I didn't want to miss anything.  I wasn't sure how long they were going to "prep", so  just paused the camera.  Which I regret, because I missed the part towards the end where she introduces Jonah and talks about how he was in "Marley & Me".  Anywho, so they set up the little obstacle course and Brayden becomes one of the hurdles they have to jump over.  Super cute.  First dog?  First dog did great.  Good job.

Then it was Jonah's turn.  And in true "Marley & Me" form, Jonah decided to just do his own thing. 

It was all part of the show, of course, but even animal actors can surprise us sometimes.  Sweet Jonah was supposed to ACT like he was peeing..... not actually do it.  I guess maybe it's an honor to get a little animal actor tinkle on you?  Who knows.  Brayden didn't mind too much..... and we promptly left the theater to go wash his hands.  lol  He laughed and boasted about that all day long.  You would have thought he won the lottery. 

All in all, I'm super glad that we ended up going.  Getting to be on stage with those animals is something he'll remember forever.  And so will I.  Nothing boosts the confidence of a 6-year-old like being up on stage and having a crowd of people clap, cheer and tell you how good you did.  It makes my heart smile just thinking about it.

One last little side note about Universal Studios.  They were filming an episode of "Extra" out in front of the main gates.  Apparently it's a game in California to see how many famous people you can spot.  The set of "Extra" was my best bet.  I stared and looked and couldn't quite figure out who was on stage, but I snapped a photo anyway.  That's when Billy, quite loudly!, told me that it was Jack Black.  So here ya go.  My only celebrity spotting - the back of Jack Black. Oh, and that's Maria Menounos standing with him.  So technically, two celebrities?  Is she a celebrity?  I don't know these things. 

Our Califnornia Adventure: Part 3 - Sea World

The second full day in California consisted of another drive up the coast (down the coast?) to San Diego to SeaWorld!  I love SeaWorld.  I think I was more excited for that than the zoo.  I knew what to expect and how to navigate it, so I was pumped.  It was definitely everything I love about SeaWorld.  Animals, rides, exhibits, rare sea animals that we never get to see anywhere else..... I loved it.  All three kids really loved it.  Dare I say, even Billy loved it.

The boys and I rode "Journey to Atlantis".  Their first pretty major roller coaster/water ride.  They dragged me to it and almost ran through the riders line to get up to the loading dock.  The ride takes you up high, then immediately sends you down the water chute.  None of us were expecting the drop that soon.  Of course, that's where the camera was.  I wish I had bought it, because it was so funny.  I was holding on for dear life, but laughing my butt off; Gabe had grabbed his face and his hair was standing straight up; and poor little Brayden was holding on to the bar in front of him and had a look of sheer panic on his face.  It was pretty epic.  After the water drop, it took us up over to a roller coast portion of the ride where we zipped around tight corners and did a few of those drops where your stomach goes up into your throat.  The boys couldn't get off that ride fast enough.  They liked it and said it was cool, but they had no interest in riding it again.  I was quite amused.

We spent the rest of the day playing at the Sesame Street area where there were climbing ropes, slides, jumping platforms and a few rides.  The kids really loved it.  We saw the shows with dolphins, Shamu and rescued land animals.  All were great shows.  We walked through all the exhibits.  I think the kids liked the sharks the best.  Alyssa was scared at first, but once she realized that the sharks stayed safely behind the glass, she loved it.  The boys couldn't stop talking about all the different species.  I was impressed with how much Gabe knew about sharks already.  He's so smart. 

After a fun-filled day at SeaWorld, we knew it was time for the beach!  We had heard that La Jolla was amazing, so that's where we headed.  It was one of the few things Gabe was REALLY excited about.  As we came around the corner and found the beach, it was just a wall of people.  We circled for about two hours trying to find a place to park, or at least get out for a few minutes.  Nothing.  You just couldn't move.  All three kids were really disappointed, but it was getting late and we needed to get back to Anaheim.  First attempt at the beach was definitely a bust. 

Our California Adventure: Part 2 - The San Diego Zoo

As we walked out of the airport (ALL of our luggage in hand, I might add), Alyssa squealed with delight and said, "Look!  It's our first palm tree!"  It was so cute.  We were all giddy and overwhelmed with all the sights to see.  I know it wasn't some exotic foreign country, but to us, it mine as well have been.  It was so exciting to be somewhere new.

We got our rental car and got out of the airport without a hitch.  Our hotel was very close.  As we pulled our bags out of the trunk, that's when I looked across the parking lot and realized that we were directly behind "Cars Land" at Disney California Adventure.  When we got to the 3rd floor to find our room, that's when I could look out and see the big giant ferris wheel with Mickey's face on it.  It was really real!  Disney was literally feet away from us.  I know for a fact I was happier and more excited than the kids were. 

Our first evening consisted of getting unpacked and walking over to a strip mall to grab some dinner . We ate outside and just stared at the mountains.  Well, what we could see of the mountains through the smog.  That was one thing I wasn't really prepared for.  I thought it was just "hazy" or cloudy at first.  Nope, it's smog.  Lots and lots of smog.  It was still a beautiful first evening in California though.  I was reading facebook posts about it being 100+ degrees back at home.  We were sitting outside in 65 degree weather wishing we had grabbed a jacket before we left the hotel room.  It was perfection!

Our first full day in California was designated "zoo" day.  We drove to San Diego to experience the world-renowned zoo.  We drove down the coast and saw the ocean.  The air smelled so fresh.  I wish I could have bottled it and taken it home.  Alyssa swears she saw a shark out the window.  Brayden insisted he saw a killer whale.  Gabe, on the other hand, insisted he couldn't even see the water.  He was quite the sour puss on much of the vacation. 

We finally arrived at the zoo and..... wow.  Wow, oh, wow.  It was MASSIVE.  We walked and walked and walked.  We rode the sky-tram.  We walked and walked and walked some more.  Then we rode the double decker bus.  I still don't think we saw even half of the zoo.  We were there for hours upon hours.  There was just so much to see.  I don't really have anything to say about the zoo, unfortunately.  It was a zoo.  It had animals.  Really cool animals and the exhibits were amazing, but it was still just a zoo.  I was so overwhelmed that I don't think I could really appreciate it.  I would definitely recommend it, but I don't think you can really see all of it in one day.  You need to live there and have a membership to see everything there is to see.

The kids were getting exhausted, cranky and bored so we wrapped up the zoo a couple hours before closing.  The change in climate must have finally caught up with them, because Alyssa had a nose bleed as we left the zoo.  She never has nose bleeds.  Then when we got to the car, Brayden had a nose bleed.  It looked like a murder scene in the backseat of that car.  It gushed everywhere and we couldn't get it to stop.  Ugh.  He went through an entire package of kleenex before it finally stopped.  The San Diego Zoo and epic nose bleeds.  That's how we roll.

Our California Adventure: Part 1 - The Journey Begins

I can't believe I haven't blogged about this yet!  Eeek!  We had the most fantastic vacation ever.  It was so much fun!  I'll start at the beginning.  I refuse to leave out any detail, so sit down and get comfortable.  This is going to be a novel. 

I know people have crazy stories of getting to the airport late or cars breaking down or whatever, but we were really lucky that the whole "morning of" process went really smooth.  We got to the airport in plenty of time, got a great parking spot and got our boarding passes no problem.  We were even pleasantly surprised that the airline didn't charge us any baggage claim fees because Billy was a disabled veteran.  PERK! 

First flight was fine..... until we descended into Houston.  The captain came on the speakers and warned us that it was going to be a little bumpy because there were storms all around.  He wasn't kidding.  It was very bumpy.  We survived though - no worse for wear.  Gabe was a little green, but we were all okay.  We had a short layover in Houston, so we headed off to find our gate before grabbing lunch.  Houston airport is much bigger than we realized, so it took us several moving sidewalks and a subway-type train to get to where we needed to be.  We found the gate without any major problems and grabbed lunch.

20 minutes before our flight, I sat down at our gate while Billy grabbed some snacks for the plane.  It took me a few moments to realize it, but not a single other person was at the gate...... empty flight?  Then I realized that the gate said that the flight was going to San Fransisco.  "No, that's not us."  I wandered over to the big digital flight board to see what the deal was.  Without any notice, they had changed the gate that our flight was leaving from.  I hollered at Billy and he clarified with someone at the airport.  Yup, gate change - and it might as well have been on the other side of the planet from where we were.  We had 15 minutes until our flight left at that point.

We hightailed it out of there as quickly as possible.  Several more moving sidewalks, another ride on the subway-type train, a few more moving sidewalks and we could see the sign pointing towards where our gate was..... at the far end of the airport.  We were quite literally that family running through the airport like maniacs.  I still am not sure how, but we made it. 

At that point all those Houston storms had settled near the airport.  The captain warned us that the seatbelt lights would be on the entire flight because it was going to be a rough one.  Great.  This was our longest leg of the trip.  Several hours in the air.  Shouldn't the air be smooth and lovely?  Well, it's not.  I still can't figure that part out, but it was like driving down a gravel road full of potholes.  It was terrible and I was miserable.  Going up and coming back down were the worst parts.  Once we were cruising above the clouds, it wasn't so bad.  Oh gosh the descent into Anaheim though.  Ugh.  That was the worst.  Bumpiest ride of my life and then I swear we bounced a couple times when we landed.  Alyssa had her hands up saying, "Weeeee!", Brayden had a concerned look on his face but was quiet, while Gabe and I were green and clenching our barf bags.  I wanted to kiss the ground when we landed.

All of that quickly melted away though as we walked through the airport.  We were finally in California.  Over a year and a half of planning and we were looking out into beautiful, sunny, smoggy California!!

Letting Go

Letting go is so hard to do.  I've gotten pretty good at letting go of stress and anger and things like that, but letting go of a friendship that was so near and dear to my heart?  It's a really difficult thing to do.  Once you realize that there's quite literally nothing that you can ever say or do to mend what's broken though - letting go becomes the only option.  I'm trying to find peace and comfort in leaving it all up to God, but I have to admit that it's still not really helping.  I'm heartbroken.  I'm devastated.  I still had so much hope that maybe, just maybe, the friendship would survive. 

We've been friends for several years and supported each other through some heavy stuff.  I was getting very uncomfortable about a certain situation in her life and, instead of talking to her about it, I held my feelings in.  She needed support and understanding.  It was about her, not me.  Telling her how I felt about the situation rather than just listening to her would have hurt her feelings.  So I kept it all to myself.  The problem was that I kept it in too long.  It festered and grew into this frustration and disgust that I couldn't contain anymore.  It probably never would have even gotten to that level had I talked to her about it weeks prior.  I didn't though.  That was the first half of my mistake.  The other half is the part where I finally blew up and vented to "the enemy" about the situation.  The very last person I should have said anything to, and that's the person that I spilled my guts to.  Huge, huge mistake.  I knew what I had said would hurt her.  I knew that the words I chose were not loving, kind nor constructive.  It was a verbal diarrhea rant that she never should have to see/hear.  When you "chat" all those words online though, it's inevitable that they'll be seen.  And they were.  And they hurt.  And that sucks. 

Despite my best efforts to explain that it wasn't an intentional attack, my countless apologies, and doing whatever I could think of to prove that it was just a moment of weakness on my part that won't happen again..... I don't think our friendship is going to make it.  Which, for lack of a better word, sucks.  It royally sucks, actually.  It sucks because I hurt my dear friend so deeply.  It sucks because I'm hurt too, but because I'm the bad guy in all of this, I "deserve" it.  Years of friendship; years of telling each other our deepest, darkest secrets; years of trust, support and encouragement; years of dropping whatever I was doing to be there for her at a moment's notice - all of those things are overshadowed by one really screwed up incident.  It makes me feel like I'm easily disposed of.  I feel abandoned.  I feel like nothing I ever did prior to that mistake meant anything.  One bad cancels out millions of good.  That's a really, really crappy feeling.  Maybe it's not supposed to be about me, but always putting my friends' feelings first and completely ignoring my own are what got me into this predicament in the first place.  So I'm letting myself feel it.

I have to accept the fact that it's time to let go.  I hate to, but I have to.  I still want to have so much hope.  She'll never forget the pain I caused though.  I can't keep beating myself up and trying to fix something that I alone can't fix.  We're either in it together or we aren't.  At this point, we aren't.  The optimistic side of me wants to hold onto that small glimmer of hope that maybe someday soon the tides will change.  I just really don't see it happening though.  I have to just let it all go and let it be whatever it's going to be.  Dear God, I don't want to though.  It's like losing a sister.  It's like losing a friend-soul-mate.  Even when she got on my very last nerve and annoyed the holy hell out of me - she was still my best friend.  I don't want to have to say goodbye to that.

Disney Time

It's here!  It's here!  It's finally, really here!  A year and a half of educating myself and making our plans.  Months upon months of saving so that we can have a really great time and do all the thing we want to do.  Countless hours spent online making reservations, dealing with airline changes, driving people crazy with my Disney status updates and questions.  Not only am I truly 100% ready to go, but it's safe to say that everyone else is too - just so that I'll finally shut up about it.

After what seems like a lifetime of waiting - it's finally time.  We're going.  We're really, really going.  And it's going to be fantastic! 

Here A Shoe, There A Shoe, Everywhere A Shoe Shoe!

I think the thing I remember getting fussed at the most for as a kid was CONSTANTLY misplacing my shoes.  It'd be time for school, time to go the grocery store or I'd want to go play with friends; but I wouldn't be able to find my shoes.  I never could put them away or at least leave them in one designated spot.  Nope, they were always in a different place.  My mother (and my Nanna) constantly lectured me about, "If you'd put them where they belong, you wouldn't have to look for them all the time." 

Wanna take a guess what all three of our children do that constantly drives me nuts?  They leave their shoes all over the place, never put them where they belong and can't seem to find them when it's time to go.  And it's just a universal rule that they don't realize that they don't know where their shoes are until it's the exact moment that we need to be walking out the door.  *sigh again*  Very recently, I caught myself saying to them, "If you'd put them where they belong, you wouldn't have to look for them all the time!"

*GASP*  It sounded like my voice, I even remember saying it, but that was definitely my mother speaking.  Then I got this mental picture of her sitting on the couch with this smug little grin on her facing, trying to hold back the laughter.  She always said we'd all have children just like us.  She was right!  The moment of realizing that she was right totally blows my mind.  Why should I be surprised though?  Momma was always right.  So to my sweet, darling, loveable children of mine - just remember that.  Momma is ALWAYS right.  Always has been and always will be.  All because my momma was always right.  Always has been and always will be. 

I can see Disney just over the horizon!

In only TWO MONTHS we'll finally be headed to Disney.  I started first researching this family vacation in the Spring of 2012.  It seems like FOREVER ago!  By the time we actually complete the vacation though, I think I may be considered an expert!

The hotel is reserved, the rental car is reserved, the airline tickets are paid for and the CityPass tickets are safely tucked away in the designated "Disney" folder.  Everything is just sitting there waiting to actually be ready to go.  To say that I'm super excited would be an understatement.  I know it's cheezy to say, but I've literally been waiting my WHOLE LIFE for this moment.  We're going.  We're really going.  I'm going to see the princesses castle.  I'm going to get to hug Mickey Mouse.  I'm going to wear Mickey ears and it be completely socially accepted.  I'm going to interact with Tinker Bell and ride on Magic Mountain.  It's going to be epic.  Really epic.  And then all the adventures of simply being in California.  I'm going to dip my toes into the ocean and watch the kids jump over the waves.  They've never experienced that before.  It's truly going to be an amazing vacation.  I just. can't. wait.

I'll have to though. *pout face*

The Big 3-0

I constantly get weird looks when I tell people that I'm so excited to be 30.  Why shouldn't I be though?!  Getting older is a natural progression of life and the opportunity to celebrate another year just means that I'm still needed on this planet.  My time isn't up yet.

I may be a little more eager than some to leave my 20's behind.  It was quite the decade, filled with great memories and not so great memories.  Billy and I bought our first house; we welcomed our first born son; Billy joined the military; we welcomed our precious baby girl; we moved with the military and welcomed another bouncing baby boy.  It was an exciting few years.  I was near death after a medical procedure went wrong; we were in a car wreck with all three kids in the car a few weeks after that; our marriage made it through a lot of ups, downs and separations due to the military; we bought a house and we started to plant some roots.  It was quite the roller coaster.  I went back to school several times - which was filled with it's own successes and failures.  Billy left the military and we made it through a very scary time of unemployment.  I've been a stay-at-home mom, a working mom and now back to a stay-at-home mom again.  I was diagnosed and treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I went through some heavy stuff, but came out the other side of it with a new understanding of life and family.  All of that, and countless more experiences, in just a span of 10 years.  I look at all of that everyday with the unwavering sense that it was all part of a bigger picture.  If God did all of that for me, with me, through me in just my 20's; I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and my family these next ten years.

So THAT is why I'm excited to be thirty.  I'm ready to embrace all the lessons my 20's taught me.  I'm thankful to see all of my blessings continue to grow.  I'm eager to say goodbye to the failures and the struggles.  I'm ready to see what I can do with the knowledge and perspective I received because of those failures and struggles.  It really does seem like this completely different chapter for me.  I'm excited.  I'm anxious.  I have limitless ideals, goals and plans for my future.  Thirty is going to be fantastic.  And even if it's not, I'll find a way to MAKE it fantastic. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

Success!

As I eagerly cracked open my fortune cookie to read what positive insight Confucius might have for me today, this is what I got.  The "someday" was a bit of a let down.  I'll be successful..... someday.  I guess I should optimistically assume that someday could very well be today!  But then I realized the irony of this "good fortune".  I guess proper spelling is not a part of my successful future endeavors.

This is What I Choose

Every job I've ever had, I hit this road block at about 18 months.  By then, I know my job and I do it well.  I've figured out all the tips and secrets.  I've got the routines down to an art.  I could do every detail of my job in my sleep if I needed to.  The problem is that I get complacent and bored.  Waldenbooks?  18 months and I moved on to the medical field.  Sandpiper Bay Retirement and Nursing Home?  18 months and I started looking for a different location.  Haysville Healthcare Center?  18 months and I stopped working to follow my husband with the Air Force.  I was a stay-at-home mom for 6 years.  When my husband separated from the Air Force though, it was time to return to the workforce.  I started working with the school district..... wait for it.... 18 months ago.   

I have no problems with work.  I like to work!  I have wonderful work ethic and am very devoted to my place of employment.  When I'm working though, I'm so devoted to my job that I sacrifice time with my family.  I'm a great multi-tasker within my daily routine, but for some reason I can only do one thing really well at a time.  Since someone is paying me and investing a lot of time/money into me at a job - I feel some kind of obligation to give them the majority of my efforts.  That job is the one thing I do really well while my family gets what's left over.  <---- That breaks my heart.  Some people are fantastic at balancing work-life and family-life.  They are super employee from 9 - 5 and super mom from 5 - 9  I'm, unfortunately, just not one of those people.


Looking back at all the things I've done, I always get bored and start itching to move on.  The one thing I never itched at though?  Motherhood.  Being with my family.  It's the only "job" I've ever done for longer than 18 months and didn't get bored.  I never hit that rut of feeling like I'm not growing or that I'm not making enough of an impact.  I think it's because parenthood is always changing and I'm always having to figure out new things.  The "job" of being a parent never stays the same for long.  Just as I start to master one skill, the kids get another year older, encounter new things/people and I have to keep up.

If I'm going to do one thing really well - I choose my family.  Which is what makes me say with confidence and with no regrets that I'm going to resign from my job and be a stay-at-home mom/wife.  I'm going to be 30 this year and it's time to focus on us as a family.  I want to be there for school plays, parent teacher conferences and to help with school projects.  I want to be available at the drop of a hat to talk, cuddle, discipline or console.  I want to be able to sneak away and have lunch with my husband while the kids are at school.  I also want time to figure out who Glenna is!  This could be my time to go back to college, volunteer and get more active with the kids' school and our church.  There is just so much I can be devoting my life to other than a paycheck.  That is what I choose for me. 

Planning a Vacation..... Optimistically!

Holy freakin' cow is it difficult to plan an extravagant family vacation for 5!  Not that it's that "extravagant", but we want to do a lot of things.  We're going to California and, for the first time EVER in my life, we're going to Disney!  None of us have ever seen Cinderella's castle nor hugged Mickey Mouse.  I'm so excited that there are no words to even begin to capture how I feel.  Planning it all out though?!  Wow.  It's a lot of work.

I've spent the last year researching, weighing the pros and cons, building a budget and various other tasks.  I have several books on my nightstand and countless blogs pinned on my pinterest account.  There is just so much information!  Which is both wonderful and overwhelming.  The more I look and dig though, the more I find. 

We're finally starting the process of purchasing airline tickets, hotel rooms and attraction admission.  It's exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time.  I'm thrilled to go on the hunt for deals and discounts.  It's probably my favorite part about planning and what has taken me the most time in my research.  For instance, our bank offers rental car discounts; I found "CityPASS" that is going to save us $600 on the price of our attraction tickets and I got a great deal on airline tickets after researching when the perfect time to buy is.  It's so much fun!  Others may find the word "obnoxious" more appropriate, but it's all one in the same in my book. 

I've been obsessed with this Disney trip since last spring.  I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing about it by now.  You think I'm bad today though?  Just you wait until I actually go!  I'll have blogs galore about how fantastic it was.  Get ready for videos of me crying because I'm so happy while the kids (and husband) are in the background staring at me like I'm crazy.