A year ago, I was enjoying the summer break with the kids. At least, in hindsight, that's what I think I was doing. At the time though, I'm sure I was already counting down the days until school started again and whining to B.K. about how useless and unaccomplished I felt. All those years of being a stay-at-home mom, I couldn't wait for the weekends so that I could go hang out with friends. I longed to go back to work so that I could make new friends and get out of the house a bit.
Now, I'm enjoying the summer break with the kids. There is no counting down to school though. Not in the happy, can't-wait-for-it-to-get-here sense anyway. Because now, I am working, making new friends and getting out of the house. The problem is, I'm out of the house every single weekday. Work, work, work. It seems like that's all I do now. And although I enjoy my job and I adore the people I work with, I miss my family.
I miss all three kids crawling into bed with me and we all lay around to watch cartoons until 10:00. I miss welcoming B.K. home after a long days work. I miss going to the park early in the morning and playing in the sprinklers later in the afternoon. I miss laying in bed late at night talking to B.K. about all of our future plans. I miss all that stuff. Because now all I do is want to go straight to bed at 8:00 o'clock because I have to be at work by 5:00am. I took it for granted when I had the opportunity to do all those things and now I'm kicking myself.
But the other crappy part is that I've been neglecting my friendships. Not on purpose per se, but my priorities have shifted. Where I used to look forward to hanging out with friends on the weekend, now the weekends are the only time I get to hang out with my family. After missing them all week long, I feel selfish saying, "Sorry kids, no time to watch movies or go to the park. I'm going to hang out with so-and-so instead." But then I feel selfish telling my friends, "Sorry, I can't have lunch with you, because I'm hanging out with my family all day". I just can't seem to find that balance between work, family and friends. Family is ALWAYS #1 in my book, but I have to shelf all of my friendships in the process? Surely that's not right. But how do I balance? How do I work long hours 5 days a week, spend time with my family AND make the time to grow those friendships?
Anybody got an answer? Anyone? No, I didn't think so. Trial and error, I suppose. I just have to keep transitioning into this part of our journey and find that balance.
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