Transitioning and Finding a Balance

A year ago, I was enjoying the summer break with the kids.  At least, in hindsight, that's what I think I was doing.  At the time though, I'm sure I was already counting down the days until school started again and whining to B.K. about how useless and unaccomplished I felt.  All those years of being a stay-at-home mom, I couldn't wait for the weekends so that I could go hang out with friends.  I longed to go back to work so that I could make new friends and get out of the house a bit.

Now, I'm enjoying the summer break with the kids.  There is no counting down to school though.  Not in the happy, can't-wait-for-it-to-get-here sense anyway.  Because now, I am working, making new friends and getting out of the house.  The problem is, I'm out of the house every single weekday.  Work, work, work.  It seems like that's all I do now.  And although I enjoy my job and I adore the people I work with, I miss my family.

I miss all three kids crawling into bed with me and we all lay around to watch cartoons until 10:00.  I miss welcoming B.K. home after a long days work.  I miss going to the park early in the morning and playing in the sprinklers later in the afternoon.  I miss laying in bed late at night talking to B.K. about all of our future plans.  I miss all that stuff.  Because now all I do is want to go straight to bed at 8:00 o'clock because I have to be at work by 5:00am.  I took it for granted when I had the opportunity to do all those things and now I'm kicking myself.

But the other crappy part is that I've been neglecting my friendships.  Not on purpose per se, but my priorities have shifted.  Where I used to look forward to hanging out with friends on the weekend, now the weekends are the only time I get to hang out with my family.  After missing them all week long, I feel selfish saying, "Sorry kids, no time to watch movies or go to the park.  I'm going to hang out with so-and-so instead."  But then I feel selfish telling my friends, "Sorry, I can't have lunch with you, because I'm hanging out with my family all day".  I just can't seem to find that balance between work, family and friends.  Family is ALWAYS #1 in my book, but I have to shelf all of my friendships in the process?  Surely that's not right.  But how do I balance?  How do I work long hours 5 days a week, spend time with my family AND make the time to grow those friendships? 

Anybody got an answer?  Anyone?  No, I didn't think so.  Trial and error, I suppose.  I just have to keep transitioning into this part of our journey and find that balance.

The Epic Debate Continues: Stay-At-Home vs Working Mom

We hear about the "war" all the time between mothers.  Which is harder, better, smarter and more fulfilling -   staying at home full-time to tend to the family or raising a family while also working outside of the home?  Women battle about it daily at PTO meetings, while gossiping on the front porch with friends, while sitting in the office with coworkers or while debating about it online.  Everyone has their opinion about which one is "right".

I couldn't care less what other people think is right.  What's best for one family is not what is best for another.  And both situations have their pros and cons; struggles and strengths.  Both have the potential to be very fulfilling.  I've done both.  I worked for several years, stayed home for several years and am back to working again.  My 'epic debate' is not with others - it is with myself.

It never fails.  When I'm a stay-at-home mom, I think of all the reasons why I'd like to return to work.  I'd like to contribute more money to the family, I'd like to have the opportunity to meet new friends, I'd like some me time away from everyone, etc, etc.  When I'm working outside the home though, I think of all the reasons why I'd like to stay home.  I'd save tons of money on gas/daycare, I'd have the opportunity to be much more involved with the kids' school life, I'd have some time away from everyone to do things that I like to do, etc, etc.  The pros and cons seem to stack up evenly each time. 

How does one decide?  When you have a firm grasp on what both lifestyles are like, but the pros and cons come out even every time, how do you choose?  How do I know what is "right"?  Maybe it's not about what's right or what's better or what's more fulfilling.  Maybe it's about just trusting my gut and doing what feels right rather than what looks good on paper. 

I'll have to get back to this one.  For now, the epic debate continues......

Optimistic Me

I take back what I said in my last post.  About there "not really being any reason not to be pleasant".  When I refer to myself as an optimistic person, it has nothing to do with my life being sunshine and rainbows all the time.  I'm sure most people could find it pretty easy to be optimistic when things are good.  So let me assure you that my life is not sunshine and rainbows all the time.  I actually have lots of reasons to not be pleasant.  I'll spare you and not make an actual list though.

If my life were easy and picture perfect, I wouldn't be optimistic.  At least, not in my head.  Optimism, to me, is finding the good in even the worst of situations.  So if everything was going perfectly, it wouldn't really be optimism that I had.  It'd be contentment.  I don't want to be just content.  I want to have life experiences that make me a better person and help me to grow.  I'm a firm believer that I learn more through trials and tribulations than I do if I were just coasting along and everything was peachy.  But optimism means I don't allow myself to be beaten down by those trials and tribulations.  Rather than being consumed by the 'bad' of any given situation, I focus on the light at the end of the tunnel and the fact that I'll be a better person by the time all is said and done.  I don't want to come out the other side of a situation with nothing but bitterness, anger and regret.  That's not gonna do me any good.  But if I come out the other side of a situation with knowledge and experience for the future..... then I'm a-ok. 

I have lots of things in my life that could make me feel justified in being an unpleasant person or being pessimistic.  I could sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop, because in my experience, it always does.....but I choose not to.  That is Optimistic Me.