Probably one of the biggest reasons I hear from people for their poor attitudes, their lack of motivation, their inattentiveness, and their stress (among lots of other things) is that they are tired. I know it's one of my go-to excuses. I'm tired. Or hungry. That's another excuse. Hangriness is something I fight regularly. But I digress - 'tired' is what I want to address today.
So how many times a day, how many things in our life, do we give little to know effort because we're just too tired? What is it that is sucking most of our energy. What gets our best effort (or, at least, the best we can give that day) and what falls through the cracks? It's all rhetorical, so just think about it. You don't have to answer. I know my answers though. My answers aren't something I'm too proud of either.
But alas, I'm still tired. Not always in a "I need more sleep" kind of tired, but just totally over whatever it is I know I need to be doing. Suddenly doing nothing is all I have the energy to do. Then things don't get done and I get frustrated and stressed.... and feel even more tired. It's a viscous cycle. I get snippy with people because things aren't going how I want, but I'm also not putting in the work necessary to make sure those things are done. Why? You guessed it, because I'm too tired. No one wins. Everyone is affected negatively by it. I get more and more frustrated. All those feelings get misplaced onto other things and I just spread it around. My marriage suffers from my tiredness. My kids suffer from my tiredness. My work suffers from my tiredness. My friendships suffer because I'm tired. My quiet time with God suffers from my tiredness. Ouch. That's a lot of suffering just because I'm tired. Am I alone in this or are you nodding along as you read this?
We're ALL tired though, right? Yet some people can just keep on chugging along. They are the little engine that could. Go, go, go. They are tired, they probably catch a nap when they can, but they are very aware of the work necessary to stay on top of the tiredness. They do what it takes to not let it consume them and alter their true joys in life. On my best weeks, I'm totally that person! The rest of the weeks though, not so much.
I love Isaiah 40:28-31
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The
LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He
will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but
those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on
wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and
not be faint.
Even youth. Even carefree, young, healthy, free youth get tired. We ALL get tired. Love that acknowledgement in this text. But wait! There's more! It gets better! We all get tired, we all stumble and fall...... but the Lord will renew our strength. This doesn't mean one quick prayer is going to suddenly turn us into the energizer bunny. This isn't talking about physical tiredness. It simply means that when our focus is Him, when we remember the WHY of our everyday lives , even when we do get tired we can find strength in continuing to move forward. I know that on my most exhausted days, when I genuinely feel like I can't do a single thing more for myself yet alone anyone else - the moment I am reminded that so many things in my life are a blessing and a calling from God Himself - I suddenly find just that little bit more energy to push through. Or at the very least, to not be a horrid hag to everyone around me while I take a breather.
It's okay to be tired. It's not okay to let it define you. It's not okay to let neglect the most important things in life. It's not okay to stop doing the Lord's work (be it personal, family, or ministry callings) and negatively affect your witness just because you're pooped. The Lord is our strength. How can I ever feel tired when I think of that?! I feel super energized just talking about it! I get to do the Lord's work! Be that working at the schools and being a light in lives I may never know are impacted. Be that sitting in a meeting to sort through some details to help church run smoothly. Be that putting down my 'to-do list' and playing a card game with my kids. Tired? I've got the Almighty God on my side ALL of the time, cheering me on like a proud father, rejoicing in my wins and comforting me in my losses! Who's tired now?
Saturday, January 12, 2019
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Parenting PhD
I used to work in the medical field. I went to nursing school and spent countless hours studying and trying to understand everything that that entails. Unfortunately, I didn't finish, but still stayed in the medical field. I worked in geriatrics taking care of the elderly. I dabbled in wound care and administration of prescription medication. Eventually though, the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to be a stay-at-home Mom and I rode that adventure for a long time; leaving the medical field behind.
Through parenting though, I have realized it's a lot like the medical field. Just like they call it "practicing medicine" because you spend your entire career doing everything you've been taught but also continuously learning and growing - so do you "practice parenting" for 18+ years. I'm only at year 14, but I still learn something new every single day. The things that worked when they were younger don't work now. I have to constantly keep practicing, learning as I go, and using my mistakes as reference for future successes. And just like in the medical field - lives are at stake.
Yet I sit here wondering how many parenting ailments we encounter and put all our efforts into treating the symptoms rather than digging deep to find the root of the problem. In the medical field, for example, if a patient has a fever we know that that means the body is fighting off some kind of something. An infection or a virus, perhaps. There's something that was introduced to our body that our body recognizes as "foreign", so it raises it's temperature to try to kill it. What do we do? We take tylenol to reduce our fever. Which is great, but that's not helping the SOURCE of the fever. We've now stopped the fever, but possibly enabled the source to continue to worsen.... until our fever comes back and we have to start all over again.
How often do we do that in our parenting? We see an unwanted behavior, and we just want it to go away. We do something, anything, to stop the unwanted behavior. The symptom. Sometimes thus enabling the unwanted behavior. While in some instances, we MUST 'reduce the fever' for the safety and sanity of everyone, we can't just leave it there. We have to find the root of the issue. WHY are they acting the way they are acting? We can give them candy to be good, or hand them an electronic device to keep them quiet, or give in to their demands to stop the tantrum; but all we've done is treated the symptom without even touching the source of it.
I deal with a lot of bad attitudes in my household right now. My own sometimes as often as the kids'. I know what to do to stop the symptom, but don't always take the time and effort necessary to address the root of the problem. I'm fully aware of how easy it is to just give in and quiet the immediate craziness, but all that's doing is leaving the door wide open for more instances of the same in the future. It's exhausting, but we have to take the time to treat the source of the issue every single time if at all possible. In the end, that will cure the issue in a quicker amount of time than if we just continuously pacify it. So that we can then move on to the next issue that will inevitably arise. I don't think any of us are getting our parenting PhD anytime soon, but we can keep practicing every single day and getting a little closer. We have VERY important patients and their lives are at stake. Who they are as adults will reflect, in at least some small way, on how we treated them as children. Did we just treat the symptoms or did we teach them the cure their ailments?
Through parenting though, I have realized it's a lot like the medical field. Just like they call it "practicing medicine" because you spend your entire career doing everything you've been taught but also continuously learning and growing - so do you "practice parenting" for 18+ years. I'm only at year 14, but I still learn something new every single day. The things that worked when they were younger don't work now. I have to constantly keep practicing, learning as I go, and using my mistakes as reference for future successes. And just like in the medical field - lives are at stake.
Yet I sit here wondering how many parenting ailments we encounter and put all our efforts into treating the symptoms rather than digging deep to find the root of the problem. In the medical field, for example, if a patient has a fever we know that that means the body is fighting off some kind of something. An infection or a virus, perhaps. There's something that was introduced to our body that our body recognizes as "foreign", so it raises it's temperature to try to kill it. What do we do? We take tylenol to reduce our fever. Which is great, but that's not helping the SOURCE of the fever. We've now stopped the fever, but possibly enabled the source to continue to worsen.... until our fever comes back and we have to start all over again.
How often do we do that in our parenting? We see an unwanted behavior, and we just want it to go away. We do something, anything, to stop the unwanted behavior. The symptom. Sometimes thus enabling the unwanted behavior. While in some instances, we MUST 'reduce the fever' for the safety and sanity of everyone, we can't just leave it there. We have to find the root of the issue. WHY are they acting the way they are acting? We can give them candy to be good, or hand them an electronic device to keep them quiet, or give in to their demands to stop the tantrum; but all we've done is treated the symptom without even touching the source of it.
I deal with a lot of bad attitudes in my household right now. My own sometimes as often as the kids'. I know what to do to stop the symptom, but don't always take the time and effort necessary to address the root of the problem. I'm fully aware of how easy it is to just give in and quiet the immediate craziness, but all that's doing is leaving the door wide open for more instances of the same in the future. It's exhausting, but we have to take the time to treat the source of the issue every single time if at all possible. In the end, that will cure the issue in a quicker amount of time than if we just continuously pacify it. So that we can then move on to the next issue that will inevitably arise. I don't think any of us are getting our parenting PhD anytime soon, but we can keep practicing every single day and getting a little closer. We have VERY important patients and their lives are at stake. Who they are as adults will reflect, in at least some small way, on how we treated them as children. Did we just treat the symptoms or did we teach them the cure their ailments?
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Front Yard Mission
A wonderful woman came to speak at our church on Sunday. She's a missionary called to serve in Africa. She talked about the ever present "debate" of foreign missions versus local missions. People tend to ask why we need to go halfway around the world to tell people about Jesus when there are people right next door that need to hear about Jesus. Which I can understand, because it's certainly true. Not everyone will be called to foreign missions, and that's fine, but she asked the question, "So what are you doing?". If you acknowledge that there are people right next door that need to hear about Jesus, what are you doing to make sure they hear it?
We must be just as intentional about local missions as we are about foreign missions. It's okay if you don't feel called to go to Africa or Honduras or Asia..... as long as you are answering His call to be on mission where you currently are. This year, I'm spending a lot of time researching, studying, and finding resources for people who feel exactly that - like they are on mission right where they are. For those of us with kids, that means our own household is a mission field. It is our responsibility to raise children in a Christ-centered home. It is our responsibility to lead by example, training them up in the way they should go, and praying for them every step of the way. As parents, within our own home, there is a great responsibility to make disciples of our own children.
As adults in general, we have a great opportunity to be on mission within our neighborhoods and communities. I can't walk up and down my street and tell you much about my neighbors. Nor could they tell others much about me. That's a problem. How are we spreading the good news of Jesus Christ if we don't do much more than a friendly wave or quick nod of the head before hurrying back inside our home? We must be more intentional than that. We must step outside our comfort zones, outside of our yards, and GO. If that means go to the end of the block rather than go to the other side of the world, then so be it, but do it with purpose. Be intentional. Be bold. Be a light for others to see. It doesn't take much to strike up a conversation with a neighbor, it doesn't take long to build a friendship, and that all opens the door for sharing some of the most important, significant news they'll ever hear. We cannot sit at church waiting for non-believers to come to us and call that "local missions". We must go to them and meet them where they are.
We must be just as intentional about local missions as we are about foreign missions. It's okay if you don't feel called to go to Africa or Honduras or Asia..... as long as you are answering His call to be on mission where you currently are. This year, I'm spending a lot of time researching, studying, and finding resources for people who feel exactly that - like they are on mission right where they are. For those of us with kids, that means our own household is a mission field. It is our responsibility to raise children in a Christ-centered home. It is our responsibility to lead by example, training them up in the way they should go, and praying for them every step of the way. As parents, within our own home, there is a great responsibility to make disciples of our own children.
As adults in general, we have a great opportunity to be on mission within our neighborhoods and communities. I can't walk up and down my street and tell you much about my neighbors. Nor could they tell others much about me. That's a problem. How are we spreading the good news of Jesus Christ if we don't do much more than a friendly wave or quick nod of the head before hurrying back inside our home? We must be more intentional than that. We must step outside our comfort zones, outside of our yards, and GO. If that means go to the end of the block rather than go to the other side of the world, then so be it, but do it with purpose. Be intentional. Be bold. Be a light for others to see. It doesn't take much to strike up a conversation with a neighbor, it doesn't take long to build a friendship, and that all opens the door for sharing some of the most important, significant news they'll ever hear. We cannot sit at church waiting for non-believers to come to us and call that "local missions". We must go to them and meet them where they are.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
You Are Not Perfect
Dear Children,
I'm about to say something to you that many parents will probably gasp at and think is a horrible thing to say. I'm going to say it anyway though, because you need to know it and you need to understand. You are not perfect. You are many things - you are loved, you are smart, you are funny, you are wonderfully made - but you are not perfect. You are not perfect because you were made by two very imperfect people. You are not perfect because it's impossible to live in this world, full of sin, and be perfect. Only one person was ever perfect and considering you weren't born of a virgin and you aren't walking on water anytime soon - you aren't Him.
Let me explain to you why I feel you need to know that I don't think you are perfect. Too many times in life, this cute little picture is painted of the "perfect parent" loving their "perfect children" and everything is just sunshine and rainbows. While I certainly have my moments that I look at you and can't help but feel you are the most perfect thing I've ever laid my eyes on, the alarm goes off and you wake up all cranky telling me how mean I am for making you where pants when it's 50 degrees outside. While I love you immensely, I don't look at you as perfect, because you aren't. Because none of us are. Trying to convince you that you are would be a disservice.
You, sweet children of mine, are flawed. You will make more mistakes in life than you'll ever be able to count. You'll say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing. You'll have moments when you are filled with anger and resentment. You'll make bad decisions and have to suffer the consequences. There may even be times that I'm so upset with you, I won't know exactly what to do. I'll love you through it all though. Through every imperfect moment of your entire lives, I will love you.
Now I'm going to tell you another thing that parents probably aren't really suppose to say to their children. *I* am not perfect. I am flawed beyond measure. I've made more mistakes in my life than I can count. As your parent, I will say the wrong things and do the wrong things. I'll have moments when I am filled with anger and resentment. I'll make bad decisions and have to suffer the consequences. There will be times that you're very upset with me and you'll want to runaway from home and swear that you'll never talk to me again. I'll love you through it all though. Through every imperfect moment of my entire life, I will love you always.
You are not perfect, because I am not perfect. Your Daddy is not perfect. Your friends, your mentors, your teachers and everyone else you encounter are not perfect. Nor should you ever feel the need to try to be "perfect" to any of them. Know Jesus, do your best, be your best, strive for excellence, love others, be kind, don't give up - but don't try to be perfect. You'll exhaust yourself trying to be perfect. If you live everyday trying to be a better person than you were yesterday though, you're doing alright, kid. You are not perfect, but you are LOVED.
I'm about to say something to you that many parents will probably gasp at and think is a horrible thing to say. I'm going to say it anyway though, because you need to know it and you need to understand. You are not perfect. You are many things - you are loved, you are smart, you are funny, you are wonderfully made - but you are not perfect. You are not perfect because you were made by two very imperfect people. You are not perfect because it's impossible to live in this world, full of sin, and be perfect. Only one person was ever perfect and considering you weren't born of a virgin and you aren't walking on water anytime soon - you aren't Him.
Let me explain to you why I feel you need to know that I don't think you are perfect. Too many times in life, this cute little picture is painted of the "perfect parent" loving their "perfect children" and everything is just sunshine and rainbows. While I certainly have my moments that I look at you and can't help but feel you are the most perfect thing I've ever laid my eyes on, the alarm goes off and you wake up all cranky telling me how mean I am for making you where pants when it's 50 degrees outside. While I love you immensely, I don't look at you as perfect, because you aren't. Because none of us are. Trying to convince you that you are would be a disservice.
You, sweet children of mine, are flawed. You will make more mistakes in life than you'll ever be able to count. You'll say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing. You'll have moments when you are filled with anger and resentment. You'll make bad decisions and have to suffer the consequences. There may even be times that I'm so upset with you, I won't know exactly what to do. I'll love you through it all though. Through every imperfect moment of your entire lives, I will love you.
Now I'm going to tell you another thing that parents probably aren't really suppose to say to their children. *I* am not perfect. I am flawed beyond measure. I've made more mistakes in my life than I can count. As your parent, I will say the wrong things and do the wrong things. I'll have moments when I am filled with anger and resentment. I'll make bad decisions and have to suffer the consequences. There will be times that you're very upset with me and you'll want to runaway from home and swear that you'll never talk to me again. I'll love you through it all though. Through every imperfect moment of my entire life, I will love you always.
You are not perfect, because I am not perfect. Your Daddy is not perfect. Your friends, your mentors, your teachers and everyone else you encounter are not perfect. Nor should you ever feel the need to try to be "perfect" to any of them. Know Jesus, do your best, be your best, strive for excellence, love others, be kind, don't give up - but don't try to be perfect. You'll exhaust yourself trying to be perfect. If you live everyday trying to be a better person than you were yesterday though, you're doing alright, kid. You are not perfect, but you are LOVED.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
I Don't Want to be Happy
I've seen so much talk lately about "I just want to be happy" or "do what makes you happy" and "I just want my children to grow up to be happy". It makes me sad to think that happiness is the ultimate goal and strive for so many people. Don't get me wrong, I love being happy. I'm happy a lot of the time. Happiness isn't a bad thing. It just seems so shallow and vain to me. It's such a superficial feeling. It's fleeting. Happiness never lasts for long and then we're just on to the next thing trying to find happiness again. There are such greater goals and achievements in life than just being happy. Any ol' schmuck can walk around saying he's "happy". It's the why and the how that are much more important to me.
Do I want my kids to be happy? Of course. But I want them to be "happy" because they feel invested in and truly loved. I want them to feel "happy" because they are doing something with their life that positively impacts the world. I don't want them walking through life seeking happiness and missing out on truly living. Because the fact of the matter is that so many things we do in life WON'T make us happy. Not in the moment. The kids are going to have struggles and obstacles. Their friends are going to be mean and spread rumors. They are going to fail at something and question themselves. They are going to have no idea who they are or where they are going in life. They are going to have to get a job, pay bills, deal with obnoxious co-workers and will probably be fired at some point. All of those things are going to make them very unhappy. I don't want them to go through those moments simply striving to find happiness. What I want them to do is go through those moments and learn valuable lessons. To learn and grow and overcome. I want them to understand love, forgiveness and joy in the midst of those tough times rather than just focusing on how happy they are on a scale of 1 to 10. If they maneuver through everything they'll encounter in life with the mindset of "I just want to be happy", I genuinely believe they will be missing so much! Happiness? It comes and goes. True joy? Acceptance? Love? Those are the things that will last a lifetime and help them overcome so much.
Do I want to be happy? Sure I do. At what cost though? How many people, on a daily basis, avoid certain places, discussions or people because it's difficult? Because it doesn't make them happy? How many people hide behind what is comfortable and convenient because it makes them happy? How often do we stay inside our comfort zones where we feel safe and "happy", and in the process miss out on growth and experiences? "I just want to be happy, so I'm not going to make any sacrifices that might make me unhappy (but would radically change my whole life for the better)". When did that become the norm? I don't say any of that to wag a shameful finger at others, but I say it to myself. I'm so guilty of this. I stay in my "happy place" and get content with being happy rather than pushing myself to be more. To do more. To feel more.
Yes, I like feeling happy, but that shallow feeling is NOT what I long for. I don't want to be happy.. I want to be joyful. I want to know unconditional love. I want peace and kindness to radiate from the core of who I am. The things that bring happiness often times come and go. The things that bring joy and love into my life though..... those are the things that can last a lifetime. Some may feel it's just simply a play on words and "happiness" is no different than "joy", but when you experience the difference for yourself, there is no denying the vast difference. I have found some of the greatest joys of my life in the midst of a situation that most definitely didn't make me happy.
I've even talked to others about how happy I am in life. Even I miss that mark sometimes. I am happy. I really am. I do want people to feel happiness in their life. I want my kids to be happy as often as possible. It's deeper than that though. I'm not just happy. I'm not just superficially rolling through life with a smile on my face because everything is going my way. I'm joyful. I have reasons to smile, to keep going, to do what needs to be done even when things are difficult and trying. Happiness doesn't have anything to do with the former. Joy does. Love does. Faith does. Hope does. Happiness can't do half of what those other things can do.
Do I want my kids to be happy? Of course. But I want them to be "happy" because they feel invested in and truly loved. I want them to feel "happy" because they are doing something with their life that positively impacts the world. I don't want them walking through life seeking happiness and missing out on truly living. Because the fact of the matter is that so many things we do in life WON'T make us happy. Not in the moment. The kids are going to have struggles and obstacles. Their friends are going to be mean and spread rumors. They are going to fail at something and question themselves. They are going to have no idea who they are or where they are going in life. They are going to have to get a job, pay bills, deal with obnoxious co-workers and will probably be fired at some point. All of those things are going to make them very unhappy. I don't want them to go through those moments simply striving to find happiness. What I want them to do is go through those moments and learn valuable lessons. To learn and grow and overcome. I want them to understand love, forgiveness and joy in the midst of those tough times rather than just focusing on how happy they are on a scale of 1 to 10. If they maneuver through everything they'll encounter in life with the mindset of "I just want to be happy", I genuinely believe they will be missing so much! Happiness? It comes and goes. True joy? Acceptance? Love? Those are the things that will last a lifetime and help them overcome so much.
Do I want to be happy? Sure I do. At what cost though? How many people, on a daily basis, avoid certain places, discussions or people because it's difficult? Because it doesn't make them happy? How many people hide behind what is comfortable and convenient because it makes them happy? How often do we stay inside our comfort zones where we feel safe and "happy", and in the process miss out on growth and experiences? "I just want to be happy, so I'm not going to make any sacrifices that might make me unhappy (but would radically change my whole life for the better)". When did that become the norm? I don't say any of that to wag a shameful finger at others, but I say it to myself. I'm so guilty of this. I stay in my "happy place" and get content with being happy rather than pushing myself to be more. To do more. To feel more.
Yes, I like feeling happy, but that shallow feeling is NOT what I long for. I don't want to be happy.. I want to be joyful. I want to know unconditional love. I want peace and kindness to radiate from the core of who I am. The things that bring happiness often times come and go. The things that bring joy and love into my life though..... those are the things that can last a lifetime. Some may feel it's just simply a play on words and "happiness" is no different than "joy", but when you experience the difference for yourself, there is no denying the vast difference. I have found some of the greatest joys of my life in the midst of a situation that most definitely didn't make me happy.
I've even talked to others about how happy I am in life. Even I miss that mark sometimes. I am happy. I really am. I do want people to feel happiness in their life. I want my kids to be happy as often as possible. It's deeper than that though. I'm not just happy. I'm not just superficially rolling through life with a smile on my face because everything is going my way. I'm joyful. I have reasons to smile, to keep going, to do what needs to be done even when things are difficult and trying. Happiness doesn't have anything to do with the former. Joy does. Love does. Faith does. Hope does. Happiness can't do half of what those other things can do.
Monday, June 8, 2015
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Without any prompting, ask your child these questions.
Alyssa - age 9
1. What is something mommy always says to you? "How was your day?"
2. What makes mommy happy? "When everything is clean."
3. What makes mommy sad? "When everything is messy."
4. How does mommy make you laugh? "By farting....."
5. What was mommy like as a child? "I don't know. I don't know you as a child!"
6. How old is mommy? "32"
7. How tall is mommy? "6 feet tall."
8. What is mommy's favorite thing to do? "Clean"
9. What does mommy do when your not here? "Clean"
10. If mommy became famous, what would it be for? "Cleaning"
11. What is mommy good at? "Cleaning"
12. What is mommy not very good at? *shrugs*
13. What is mommy's job? "You don't really have a job."
14. What makes you proud of mommy? "By buying me Eeyore's"
15. What is mommy's favorite food? "Casseroles"
16. What do you and mommy do together? "Eat sushi!"
17. How are you and mommy the same? "We both like cleaning."
18. If Mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? "The old lady with Tweety bird."
19. How are you and mommy different? "You like doggies, I like donkeys."
20. How do you know mommy loves you? "You tell me every night and day and....."
21. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? "Fleamarkets!"
22. How old was mommy when she had you? "23"
Brayden - Age 7
1. What is something mommy always says to you? "Stop"
2. What makes mommy happy? "Making me happy."
3. What makes mommy sad? "Me being sad"
4. How does mommy make you laugh? "By being funny."
5. What was mommy like as a child? "You were....um....everything had to be perfect!"
6. How old is mommy? "31"
7. How tall is mommy? "6 feet tall"
8. What is mommys favorite thing to do? "Clean-up everything"
9. What does mommy do when your not here? "Watch television or go on Facebook."
10. If mommy became famous, what would it be for? "Being the cleanest person ever."
11. What is mommy good at? "Making food."
12. What is mommy not very good at? "I have no idea"
13. What is mommy's job? "You don't have a job."
14. What makes you proud of mommy? "That you love me."
15. What is mommy's favorite food? "Steak"
16. What do you and mommy do together? "You don't really do anything with me."
17. How are you and mommy the same? "We both like meat!"
18. If Mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? "That lady from the Tweety show."
19. How are you and mommy different? "You like peas and I don't."
20. How do you know mommy loves you? "You take us out to swim"
21. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? "Goodwill"
22. How old was mommy when she had you? "20"
Gabriel - age 10
1. What is something mommy always says to you? "You're grounded"
2. What makes mommy happy? "Hugs"
3. What makes mommy sad? "Whenever you don't see Daddy for awhile."
4. How does mommy make you laugh? "Whenever you do something funny"
5. What was mommy like as a child? "Young"
6. How old is mommy? "32"
7. How tall is mommy? "6 foot 2 inches"
8. What is mommys favorite thing to do? "Sleep"
9. What does mommy do when your not here? "Sleep"
10. If mommy became famous, what would it be for? "Sleeping"
11. What is mommy good at? "Sleeping"
12. What is mommy not very good at? "Video games"
13. What is mommy's job? "Stay-at-home Mom"
14. What makes you proud of mommy? "Because you're a good mom"
15. What is mommy's favorite food? "Chinese food"
16. What do you and mommy do together? "Watch television"
17. How are you and mommy the same? "We both have brown hair"
18. If Mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? "SpongeBob Squarepants"
19. How are you and mommy different? "You do not like video games and I love video games"
20. How do you know mommy loves you? "Because you say it a lot"
21. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? "Chinese"
22. How old was mommy when she had you? "22"
Alyssa - age 9
1. What is something mommy always says to you? "How was your day?"
2. What makes mommy happy? "When everything is clean."
3. What makes mommy sad? "When everything is messy."
4. How does mommy make you laugh? "By farting....."
5. What was mommy like as a child? "I don't know. I don't know you as a child!"
6. How old is mommy? "32"
7. How tall is mommy? "6 feet tall."
8. What is mommy's favorite thing to do? "Clean"
9. What does mommy do when your not here? "Clean"
10. If mommy became famous, what would it be for? "Cleaning"
11. What is mommy good at? "Cleaning"
12. What is mommy not very good at? *shrugs*
13. What is mommy's job? "You don't really have a job."
14. What makes you proud of mommy? "By buying me Eeyore's"
15. What is mommy's favorite food? "Casseroles"
16. What do you and mommy do together? "Eat sushi!"
17. How are you and mommy the same? "We both like cleaning."
18. If Mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? "The old lady with Tweety bird."
19. How are you and mommy different? "You like doggies, I like donkeys."
20. How do you know mommy loves you? "You tell me every night and day and....."
21. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? "Fleamarkets!"
22. How old was mommy when she had you? "23"
Brayden - Age 7
1. What is something mommy always says to you? "Stop"
2. What makes mommy happy? "Making me happy."
3. What makes mommy sad? "Me being sad"
4. How does mommy make you laugh? "By being funny."
5. What was mommy like as a child? "You were....um....everything had to be perfect!"
6. How old is mommy? "31"
7. How tall is mommy? "6 feet tall"
8. What is mommys favorite thing to do? "Clean-up everything"
9. What does mommy do when your not here? "Watch television or go on Facebook."
10. If mommy became famous, what would it be for? "Being the cleanest person ever."
11. What is mommy good at? "Making food."
12. What is mommy not very good at? "I have no idea"
13. What is mommy's job? "You don't have a job."
14. What makes you proud of mommy? "That you love me."
15. What is mommy's favorite food? "Steak"
16. What do you and mommy do together? "You don't really do anything with me."
17. How are you and mommy the same? "We both like meat!"
18. If Mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? "That lady from the Tweety show."
19. How are you and mommy different? "You like peas and I don't."
20. How do you know mommy loves you? "You take us out to swim"
21. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? "Goodwill"
22. How old was mommy when she had you? "20"
Gabriel - age 10
1. What is something mommy always says to you? "You're grounded"
2. What makes mommy happy? "Hugs"
3. What makes mommy sad? "Whenever you don't see Daddy for awhile."
4. How does mommy make you laugh? "Whenever you do something funny"
5. What was mommy like as a child? "Young"
6. How old is mommy? "32"
7. How tall is mommy? "6 foot 2 inches"
8. What is mommys favorite thing to do? "Sleep"
9. What does mommy do when your not here? "Sleep"
10. If mommy became famous, what would it be for? "Sleeping"
11. What is mommy good at? "Sleeping"
12. What is mommy not very good at? "Video games"
13. What is mommy's job? "Stay-at-home Mom"
14. What makes you proud of mommy? "Because you're a good mom"
15. What is mommy's favorite food? "Chinese food"
16. What do you and mommy do together? "Watch television"
17. How are you and mommy the same? "We both have brown hair"
18. If Mommy was a cartoon character, who would she be? "SpongeBob Squarepants"
19. How are you and mommy different? "You do not like video games and I love video games"
20. How do you know mommy loves you? "Because you say it a lot"
21. Where is mommy's favorite place to go? "Chinese"
22. How old was mommy when she had you? "22"
Friday, April 3, 2015
I'm not nothing
Last night at a meeting I attended, our pastor shared this video with us. Then he asked the question, "What did grace save you from?" I hesitated for a moment. Not because I couldn't think of an answer, but because I had too many to choose from. The one that stuck out in the forefront of my mind though was "a nothing". Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a nothing like me. That's what I truly believed I was for so long. And it's how I lived my life for so long. I was stuck in this state of just existing. Moving through life with no understanding of who I was, let alone who I was in Christ. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I was just..... nothing. I felt invisible the majority of my childhood and young adult life. I didn't have a lot of friends; I struggled with making deep, personal connections with people; I tried my best to be "good", but I was just a dumb kid that always failed miserably. I was a believer in Jesus, but I always felt like there was nothing I could really do and I wasn't worthy of much. That my existence didn't mean anything or have any kind of impact on the world. "Life sucks and then we die."
Don't get me wrong, there were happy moments. I have a wonderful life that I'm so thankful for. My wonderful husband. My fantastic three children. I have a naturally sunny disposition actually, but that didn't translate into how I felt deep down in my soul. At the end of the day when I laid my head down on the pillow, all I felt was.... nothing. Life is so fleeting. Lots of people are married and have kids. Lots of people go with the flow in life. Lots of people lead a happy life. Then we die and the cycle keeps going. For some, that makes them perfectly content. For me, it reaffirmed that I was nothing and my life had no real meaning.
Then all the stuff happened that lead to my near-death experience. I wish I could say I survived and was a new person, but it wasn't that simple. That situation further impacted my theory that I was nothing and my life didn't truly matter. In fact, I believed I was being punished. That lead to three more years of an even deeper feeling of nothingness than in years prior. I put on a good show and wore a mask most of the time of the happy, healthy, stay-at-home mom; but I was dying inside. I was filled to the brim with nothingness.
I wish I could put my finger on that exact moment when I broke, but I can't exactly recall it. I started counseling though and our family got back into church. God slowly started to guide me back onto the path that He always intended me to be on. I was no long filled with nothingness. I was filled with this light and this love that I can't even begin to put into words. It was like walking around in a black and white world, and all of the sudden everything became full of color. All those little broken pieces were put back together.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a nothing like me. I once was lost, hopeless, depressed and drowning in my own sea of nihility, but now I'm SAVED. I was blind, but now I see.
Through letting go and allowing God to remind me that I am not nothing, I am not the same person I was. I still struggle sometimes with some mild depression, but it never lasts long because I have a fantastic group of friends and family that are real quick to remind me that I'm far from "nothing". God doesn't make nothing. He creates beauty, wonder and grace. He created me and there's absolutely no way He created me to be nothing. He created me to do something with this life while I'm here. I'm bound and determined to leave a legacy. I will not be nothing. I refuse to be nothing. His grace saved me and I'm eternally grateful.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well". - Psalm 139:14
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