This Little Light of Mine

It's such a common occurrence for people to struggle with their calling in life.  "What do I want to be when I grow up?".  Well, I think the same is true in our walk with God.  What do I want to be as I grow up in my faith and my relationship with God?     


I've been talking with a friend a lot lately about God's purpose and calling for our lives.  There are people who are called to go to foreign countries to share the story of Jesus.  There are people who are called to sing praise and worship songs in front of a congregation of people.  There are people who are called to feed the hungry, or preach the gospel, or to tell their story to the masses.....  Thank God for "those" people.  I'm not one of "those" people.  It's just not my calling in life.  Not right now, at least, and that's okay!  My calling in life is to be a person that makes it possible for "those" people to follow their calling.  My calling in life is to serve others so that they may serve others.

A good friend of mine is constantly reminding me to never feel like the things that I do aren't significant.  I always smile, nod and think to myself, "No reminder necessary".  I don't at all mean for it to come off conceited, it's just that God has spoken to me quite clearly about my calling in life and how significant it is.  Caring for children while their parents hear the word of God, cleaning a room so that it's safe and sanitary for people to use, getting paperwork all set up so that leaders can teach children about God, etc, etc.  It may all seem like silly little stuff to some people, but to me - I know it's what needs to happen so that everyone can follow their calling in life.  So that anyone and everyone that wants to learn more about God can have that opportunity.  It's important and significant to me because it's important and significant to God. 

Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.  Matthew 5:16

Nothing I do is for me.  I'm not printing copies of a lesson plan or playing duck, duck goose with toddlers because I think it's going to get me to Heaven.  I don't do it hoping to get a pat on the back.  I do it because it's a part of God's plan and purpose.  I do it because doing those tasks may free up two seconds of someone else's time who can then use that two seconds to reach someone that may not have otherwise been reached.  It's my calling.  It's my "good deeds" that I hope and pray glorify the Father.  That I know glorify the Father because it's what he has called me to do.  And I love it.  And I'll keep doing it for as long as I'm needed. 

My prayer is that others find their calling too.  Serve beside me and help with the behind the scenes stuff or loving on some sweet kiddos.  Be the one up front teaching others.  Be the hands and feet of God.  Sing.  Preach.  Help others.  Fix things.  Make things.  Be a prayer warrior.  God can use us in 1,000,001 different ways.  All we have to do is stop, listen and be willing to do what it is He is asking of us. 

Add This To My Resume

I've been hinting for awhile about a "new opportunity" for me at church, but wasn't sure if I was really supposed to talk about it or not, so I tried to stay as mum as possible.  Hard to do when you're SO excited and eager to get to work!  It was officially announced yesterday though, so I feel like I can finally say something.  I've volunteered here and there at church for quite awhile now.  I served in the nursery at first, then moved to the toddler room on Sundays.  I get to serve next to the sweetest guy I know.  We're a great husband and wife team if you ask me.  :)  Then I started helping out with childcare on Friday nights for a group that meets.  Lots of opportunities to love on some really great kids from all walks of life.

Now, I'm very pleased to announce that I am the Volunteer Coordinator!  It's just fancy words for getting to help out with some behind the scenes stuff, but I'm excited beyond words.  One of the things I'm MOST excited about is that I'll get to start doing some of the "interviews" that we do with new volunteers.  I use the term "interview" loosely.  I'm not judging anyone to decide if they are right for the job, I'll just simply get to be that person that helps them find where God is calling them to be.  To tell them all about the Children's Ministry, how we work, what our goals are, what God commands us to do and where/how they can really plug in.  Something I didn't EVER think I would want to do, but knowing that I get to just fills my heart with joy.  I'm over the moon excited to help in the Children's Ministry in a completely different way.  I will still be serving on Sundays to help take care of, teach and love on those sweet kids.  I would never walk away from that "job".  I love it too much.  I'm just simply adding in this new stuff.

Wish me luck as I travel down this new path.  I truly feel completely lead by God to serve in this area and take my new role very seriously.  It's not something I want to just do loosey-goosey and hope for the best.  I'm giving it my undivided attention.  I want to make sure I get everything right, so that all the fantastic people that volunteer on Sundays can do what they do best without having to worry about where their lessons are or if they have enough worksheets.  I want new volunteers to come in, feel comfortable and confident about how God is moving through our church, and really understand how He can move through all of us too.  Volunteers really are the hands and feet of God.  It's time to move! 

Love What You Do

I was chatting with someone at the gas station this morning (while getting my morning caffeine fix!) and they asked, "So what do you do?"  I started to go into auto-pilot and say, "Oh, I'm just a stay-at-home mom", but I stopped myself.  I'm not "just" anything.  I don't know why I downplay myself sometimes.  I think I sometimes feel judged (even if I'm not being judged at all) for not having an actual career or for not being college educated.  What do I do?  I do a LOT!  I do the things I love more than anything on this planet.  I serve a mighty God.  I serve others whenever possible.  I'm a devoted and submissive wife to the best man a girl could ever ask for.  I'm a mother to three gorgeous children who are constantly teaching me something new about life and parenthood.  "What do I do?" you ask?  The list of things that i do is too long, getting longer by the day, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I do what I love and I love what I do. 

Take My Life - Lead Me, Lord

I've been struggling for awhile now trying to figure out what it is that God is calling me to do.  I thought maybe something to do with music, but after talking with Kristen (our church's worship leader), I knew that wasn't quite right.  My heart just belongs to the children's ministry.  Maybe being better about singing and working with the kids on Sundays?  Yeah, maybe.  That feels a little better.  I'm on the right path.  I know God's wanting more out of me though.

Then, on Saturday, I had a bit of an epiphany.  This was my facebook post from that day:

"While mowing a friends lawn today, I found myself talking to God. Asking Him some questions and hoping for some clarity about some things that are going on in my life. Just simply to enjoy the moment alone to clear my thoughts while I worked. Then it got hotter and hotter, the grass got harder and harder to cut, the mower kept poopin' out - before I knew it my calm, patient conversation with God had turned into a whiney-fest. I was hot, frustrated and wondering why the heck I volunteered to mow on the hottest day we've had in weeks. Am I glutton for punishment?!?! Is God testing me?! What's the deal!!!??!! I quite literally groaned out loud, "Could you at least send me a cool breeze or something?!?!" Not even a minute later, I heard the rumble of a loud engine and looked over to see the neighbor on a riding lawn mower offering to mow everything I hadn't done yet.

OK, God. I hear ya. A big mower that could plow down all that thick grass was definitely better than a cool breeze.  I'm thankful for my lesson in remaining patient, humble and remembering that I really don't need to worry too much. To serve where I can and God will take care of the rest. I love those moments when God quite literally answers all of my questions and prayers within the hour. lol — feeling humbled."

He answered my prayers quite specifically.  Leaps and bounds above what I was even asking.  I just wanted a cool breeze and He sent a riding lawn mower to do the job for me.  That's when I knew for certain that I'm being called to serve others, wherever that might be.  I have lots of skills, lots of talents and lots of resources to make things happen - just use them!  Just go!  That was the lesson God was teaching me and guiding me in.  Serve others, selflessly and with a humble heart, and let Him take care of the rest.  He knows when I'm tired and frustrated, but there's always something bigger going on.   I've done some odd things lately that I don't advertise that I know how to do (mostly because I don't actually know how to do them!  lol)  Yet almost every single day for two weeks, I've been given opportunity after opportunity to help someone out a little.  Sometimes it's a simple, mindless little task like mowing and other times it's something more significant. 

Then today at church, a sweet friend named Connie stopped to talk to me for a second.  She said some of the kindest, most encouraging words anyone has ever said to me.  She said she can tell God is calling me to do important things and that I'm already becoming such a wonderful leader without even realizing it.  WHAT?!  Me?  A leader?  No, no, no.  I don't think so.  Very nice of her to say, but I'm no leader.  Her words were heavy on my heart though.  The exact same heaviness (not in a bad way) I had been feeling for a few weeks.  That feeling that I'm being called to do something specific and I must figure out what it is.  As much as I don't view myself as a leader, her words stuck with me.

A moment later, good ol' Josh came over to talk.  He's the Children's Ministry Leader.  Super awesome, enthusiastic guy that does great things with the kids and youth.  He asked me if I had a minute to talk.  He proceeded to extend a fantastic opportunity to me that will really allow me to get to know more people.  To get involved in church at a completely different level.  Not only will I get to serve others, but I would get to be part of the process of helping other people serve others!  How amazing is that?!  And all of this would be in direct relation to serving in the Children's Ministry.  My sweet infants, toddlers and preschool-aged kids that I simply adore.  I haven't given him an answer yet, but it's a REALLY exciting opportunity that I'm praying about and seriously considering.  Although, I think it may be a no brainer what my decision will be. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again - I have NEVER more clearly heard God speaking to me and moving in my life as I have since becoming an active member at ThatChurch.  (http://thatchurch.com/)  I'm so very excited to see what God does with me next.  I hear ya, God.  I'm listening.  Use me!

Happiness Becomes Her

I wish I could put my finger on it.  I wish I could explain to others why I'm so happy in my life.  Things aren't perfect.  Far from it actually.  We have financial struggles that we don't discuss with others.  We have flaws within our marriage that we quarrel over and constantly work on.  I'm not as productive as a stay-at-home mother/wife as I thought I would be.  I fail miserably at parenting at least a few times every day.  I am an incredibly flawed person with so many things that could really keep me down.  I'm happy though.  Truly happy.  The flaws and imperfections are part of what drive me to do better tomorrow.  They are my built-in reminder that there's always something more in my future.  If everything was perfectly perfect.... what's left to do in life?  Having so much to work on and work towards, to me, is a message that I'm not done yet.  That my future is long and bright.  I guess some would look at it in the opposite light.  The imperfections could be a constant reminder of failure.  "Life sucks and then we die."  True, I suppose, but it's a lot more entertaining and worthwhile to find the good rather than being consumed by the bad.  That's my optimism speaking. 

Many people roll their eyes at the notion that God plays a big part in my happiness, but it's true.  Others don't have to believe nor understand, but in furthest reaches of my soul, I truly believe that's the root of it all.  My religious beliefs have given me the tools necessary to cope with things beyond my control.  Life does suck and we will all die at some point, but what you do with everything in between is what matters.  I look at my husband and I look at our children and I can't help but think, how can I not be happy?  Things don't have to be perfect to be happy.  There are a million different blessings hidden inside all of the crap in the world and our lives.  I'll miss it if I spend too much time wallowing in the crappy stuff.  I have missed it in the past several times.  Never again though.

I may not be able to pin-point how or why I seem to get it now.  Why I understand the things I understand or view things the way I view them.  Maybe it came with age.  Maybe it came with being involved in a church family that really encourages and loves me.  Perhaps it's just something engrained in me somewhere.  I have no idea.  All I know is that I'm happy.  The good, the bad and the indifferent - I thank God for all of it.  I am truly blessed.

Epiphanies at the Gym

I had a bit of an epiphany today at the gym. I've still been going every morning (I think it's finally 'habit' and not so much a chore), but I still constantly judge myself harshly. "She's thinner than me." "He can do more laps than me." "She can keep a faster pace than me" "I'll never meet my goals like they have met theirs". I would still find myself looking at other people and comparing myself to them. I want her legs and I want my butt to look like that and dear Lord please let me be that skinny someday.

But TODAY I went to the gym and didn't wish for someone else's body or to reach someone else's goal. I found myself accepting that THIS is my body and it will look how it looks - and that's okay. I may never be a size 2 like the girl on the treadmill every morning - and that's okay. That's her body and this is my body. My body will never be like someone else's.

While I still have insecurities about my body and being at the gym, I find myself being a little less harsh and a lot more reasonable every single day. I WILL get there. It takes time, but it will happen. Those people are at the gym to maintain the body they have and I am at the gym to get back to the body I want. Both PERFECTLY okay. Maybe it's a realization everyone else has already firmly grasped, but it was a BIG deal for me.

True Christmas Blessings

People often mention that I come off a little scrooge-ish when it comes to the holidays.  I don't like to decorate, I hate all the clutter associated with the holidays and I hate spending money on things that just aren't necessary.  Sure some of the holiday stuff is really cute and I'd like to have it if I had disposable income coming out of my you-know-what, but I just can't justify it.  Not only that, but I just don't find joy in it.  Some people do, and that's fantastic, but it's just not my thing. 

I find too often that during the holiday season people get borderline obsessed with "things".  That perfect gift, that certain wrapping paper, the tree looking just so.  I see people trample over one another to grab the hottest electronic of the season and I see families fight because a child knocked over a fancy Christmas vase or wouldn't stop touching the expensive ornaments on the tree.  It's all just stuff, yet people are willing to cause people physical harm over it.  Why?  It's just stuff.  People constantly boast about "the true meaning of Christmas", but very few actually live it.  There is a balance where you can do both, I've seen it with my own eyes, but very few people pull it off. 

I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to pull it off, hence the reason I don't participate much at all.  I don't want the "stuff" to consume our lives.  I don't want to build sheds or cram our attic full of "stuff" just to store decorations that get used one month out of the year.  I don't want to panic every time the kids get too close to the tree because they might break something.  I don't want to stress that I didn't get something someone really wanted for Christmas when we already are blessed with so much.  It's too easy to be consumed by materialistic things.  It seems like the holiday season just embodies that for so many people.

So my goal is to raise our children to have an understanding of the true meaning of Christmas.  For us, that means the birth of Jesus Christ.  It means looking back on the year and remembering all the blessings we had.  It means ending the year together with plans and dreams for the future.  Yes, it also means a few gifts and other common holiday traditions, but I want that to be the added bonus, not the root of it all.

So call me a Scrooge if you must.  It's far from what I'm attempting to do though.  If anything, in the story of Scrooge, I'd say I'm more like Bob Cratchit.  Just a mild-mannered person dedicated to my family that wants everyone to be happy, healthy and loved.  Everything else is just a bonus.