Our California Adventure: Part 2 - The San Diego Zoo

As we walked out of the airport (ALL of our luggage in hand, I might add), Alyssa squealed with delight and said, "Look!  It's our first palm tree!"  It was so cute.  We were all giddy and overwhelmed with all the sights to see.  I know it wasn't some exotic foreign country, but to us, it mine as well have been.  It was so exciting to be somewhere new.

We got our rental car and got out of the airport without a hitch.  Our hotel was very close.  As we pulled our bags out of the trunk, that's when I looked across the parking lot and realized that we were directly behind "Cars Land" at Disney California Adventure.  When we got to the 3rd floor to find our room, that's when I could look out and see the big giant ferris wheel with Mickey's face on it.  It was really real!  Disney was literally feet away from us.  I know for a fact I was happier and more excited than the kids were. 

Our first evening consisted of getting unpacked and walking over to a strip mall to grab some dinner . We ate outside and just stared at the mountains.  Well, what we could see of the mountains through the smog.  That was one thing I wasn't really prepared for.  I thought it was just "hazy" or cloudy at first.  Nope, it's smog.  Lots and lots of smog.  It was still a beautiful first evening in California though.  I was reading facebook posts about it being 100+ degrees back at home.  We were sitting outside in 65 degree weather wishing we had grabbed a jacket before we left the hotel room.  It was perfection!

Our first full day in California was designated "zoo" day.  We drove to San Diego to experience the world-renowned zoo.  We drove down the coast and saw the ocean.  The air smelled so fresh.  I wish I could have bottled it and taken it home.  Alyssa swears she saw a shark out the window.  Brayden insisted he saw a killer whale.  Gabe, on the other hand, insisted he couldn't even see the water.  He was quite the sour puss on much of the vacation. 

We finally arrived at the zoo and..... wow.  Wow, oh, wow.  It was MASSIVE.  We walked and walked and walked.  We rode the sky-tram.  We walked and walked and walked some more.  Then we rode the double decker bus.  I still don't think we saw even half of the zoo.  We were there for hours upon hours.  There was just so much to see.  I don't really have anything to say about the zoo, unfortunately.  It was a zoo.  It had animals.  Really cool animals and the exhibits were amazing, but it was still just a zoo.  I was so overwhelmed that I don't think I could really appreciate it.  I would definitely recommend it, but I don't think you can really see all of it in one day.  You need to live there and have a membership to see everything there is to see.

The kids were getting exhausted, cranky and bored so we wrapped up the zoo a couple hours before closing.  The change in climate must have finally caught up with them, because Alyssa had a nose bleed as we left the zoo.  She never has nose bleeds.  Then when we got to the car, Brayden had a nose bleed.  It looked like a murder scene in the backseat of that car.  It gushed everywhere and we couldn't get it to stop.  Ugh.  He went through an entire package of kleenex before it finally stopped.  The San Diego Zoo and epic nose bleeds.  That's how we roll.

Our California Adventure: Part 1 - The Journey Begins

I can't believe I haven't blogged about this yet!  Eeek!  We had the most fantastic vacation ever.  It was so much fun!  I'll start at the beginning.  I refuse to leave out any detail, so sit down and get comfortable.  This is going to be a novel. 

I know people have crazy stories of getting to the airport late or cars breaking down or whatever, but we were really lucky that the whole "morning of" process went really smooth.  We got to the airport in plenty of time, got a great parking spot and got our boarding passes no problem.  We were even pleasantly surprised that the airline didn't charge us any baggage claim fees because Billy was a disabled veteran.  PERK! 

First flight was fine..... until we descended into Houston.  The captain came on the speakers and warned us that it was going to be a little bumpy because there were storms all around.  He wasn't kidding.  It was very bumpy.  We survived though - no worse for wear.  Gabe was a little green, but we were all okay.  We had a short layover in Houston, so we headed off to find our gate before grabbing lunch.  Houston airport is much bigger than we realized, so it took us several moving sidewalks and a subway-type train to get to where we needed to be.  We found the gate without any major problems and grabbed lunch.

20 minutes before our flight, I sat down at our gate while Billy grabbed some snacks for the plane.  It took me a few moments to realize it, but not a single other person was at the gate...... empty flight?  Then I realized that the gate said that the flight was going to San Fransisco.  "No, that's not us."  I wandered over to the big digital flight board to see what the deal was.  Without any notice, they had changed the gate that our flight was leaving from.  I hollered at Billy and he clarified with someone at the airport.  Yup, gate change - and it might as well have been on the other side of the planet from where we were.  We had 15 minutes until our flight left at that point.

We hightailed it out of there as quickly as possible.  Several more moving sidewalks, another ride on the subway-type train, a few more moving sidewalks and we could see the sign pointing towards where our gate was..... at the far end of the airport.  We were quite literally that family running through the airport like maniacs.  I still am not sure how, but we made it. 

At that point all those Houston storms had settled near the airport.  The captain warned us that the seatbelt lights would be on the entire flight because it was going to be a rough one.  Great.  This was our longest leg of the trip.  Several hours in the air.  Shouldn't the air be smooth and lovely?  Well, it's not.  I still can't figure that part out, but it was like driving down a gravel road full of potholes.  It was terrible and I was miserable.  Going up and coming back down were the worst parts.  Once we were cruising above the clouds, it wasn't so bad.  Oh gosh the descent into Anaheim though.  Ugh.  That was the worst.  Bumpiest ride of my life and then I swear we bounced a couple times when we landed.  Alyssa had her hands up saying, "Weeeee!", Brayden had a concerned look on his face but was quiet, while Gabe and I were green and clenching our barf bags.  I wanted to kiss the ground when we landed.

All of that quickly melted away though as we walked through the airport.  We were finally in California.  Over a year and a half of planning and we were looking out into beautiful, sunny, smoggy California!!

Letting Go

Letting go is so hard to do.  I've gotten pretty good at letting go of stress and anger and things like that, but letting go of a friendship that was so near and dear to my heart?  It's a really difficult thing to do.  Once you realize that there's quite literally nothing that you can ever say or do to mend what's broken though - letting go becomes the only option.  I'm trying to find peace and comfort in leaving it all up to God, but I have to admit that it's still not really helping.  I'm heartbroken.  I'm devastated.  I still had so much hope that maybe, just maybe, the friendship would survive. 

We've been friends for several years and supported each other through some heavy stuff.  I was getting very uncomfortable about a certain situation in her life and, instead of talking to her about it, I held my feelings in.  She needed support and understanding.  It was about her, not me.  Telling her how I felt about the situation rather than just listening to her would have hurt her feelings.  So I kept it all to myself.  The problem was that I kept it in too long.  It festered and grew into this frustration and disgust that I couldn't contain anymore.  It probably never would have even gotten to that level had I talked to her about it weeks prior.  I didn't though.  That was the first half of my mistake.  The other half is the part where I finally blew up and vented to "the enemy" about the situation.  The very last person I should have said anything to, and that's the person that I spilled my guts to.  Huge, huge mistake.  I knew what I had said would hurt her.  I knew that the words I chose were not loving, kind nor constructive.  It was a verbal diarrhea rant that she never should have to see/hear.  When you "chat" all those words online though, it's inevitable that they'll be seen.  And they were.  And they hurt.  And that sucks. 

Despite my best efforts to explain that it wasn't an intentional attack, my countless apologies, and doing whatever I could think of to prove that it was just a moment of weakness on my part that won't happen again..... I don't think our friendship is going to make it.  Which, for lack of a better word, sucks.  It royally sucks, actually.  It sucks because I hurt my dear friend so deeply.  It sucks because I'm hurt too, but because I'm the bad guy in all of this, I "deserve" it.  Years of friendship; years of telling each other our deepest, darkest secrets; years of trust, support and encouragement; years of dropping whatever I was doing to be there for her at a moment's notice - all of those things are overshadowed by one really screwed up incident.  It makes me feel like I'm easily disposed of.  I feel abandoned.  I feel like nothing I ever did prior to that mistake meant anything.  One bad cancels out millions of good.  That's a really, really crappy feeling.  Maybe it's not supposed to be about me, but always putting my friends' feelings first and completely ignoring my own are what got me into this predicament in the first place.  So I'm letting myself feel it.

I have to accept the fact that it's time to let go.  I hate to, but I have to.  I still want to have so much hope.  She'll never forget the pain I caused though.  I can't keep beating myself up and trying to fix something that I alone can't fix.  We're either in it together or we aren't.  At this point, we aren't.  The optimistic side of me wants to hold onto that small glimmer of hope that maybe someday soon the tides will change.  I just really don't see it happening though.  I have to just let it all go and let it be whatever it's going to be.  Dear God, I don't want to though.  It's like losing a sister.  It's like losing a friend-soul-mate.  Even when she got on my very last nerve and annoyed the holy hell out of me - she was still my best friend.  I don't want to have to say goodbye to that.

Disney Time

It's here!  It's here!  It's finally, really here!  A year and a half of educating myself and making our plans.  Months upon months of saving so that we can have a really great time and do all the thing we want to do.  Countless hours spent online making reservations, dealing with airline changes, driving people crazy with my Disney status updates and questions.  Not only am I truly 100% ready to go, but it's safe to say that everyone else is too - just so that I'll finally shut up about it.

After what seems like a lifetime of waiting - it's finally time.  We're going.  We're really, really going.  And it's going to be fantastic! 

Here A Shoe, There A Shoe, Everywhere A Shoe Shoe!

I think the thing I remember getting fussed at the most for as a kid was CONSTANTLY misplacing my shoes.  It'd be time for school, time to go the grocery store or I'd want to go play with friends; but I wouldn't be able to find my shoes.  I never could put them away or at least leave them in one designated spot.  Nope, they were always in a different place.  My mother (and my Nanna) constantly lectured me about, "If you'd put them where they belong, you wouldn't have to look for them all the time." 

Wanna take a guess what all three of our children do that constantly drives me nuts?  They leave their shoes all over the place, never put them where they belong and can't seem to find them when it's time to go.  And it's just a universal rule that they don't realize that they don't know where their shoes are until it's the exact moment that we need to be walking out the door.  *sigh again*  Very recently, I caught myself saying to them, "If you'd put them where they belong, you wouldn't have to look for them all the time!"

*GASP*  It sounded like my voice, I even remember saying it, but that was definitely my mother speaking.  Then I got this mental picture of her sitting on the couch with this smug little grin on her facing, trying to hold back the laughter.  She always said we'd all have children just like us.  She was right!  The moment of realizing that she was right totally blows my mind.  Why should I be surprised though?  Momma was always right.  So to my sweet, darling, loveable children of mine - just remember that.  Momma is ALWAYS right.  Always has been and always will be.  All because my momma was always right.  Always has been and always will be. 

I can see Disney just over the horizon!

In only TWO MONTHS we'll finally be headed to Disney.  I started first researching this family vacation in the Spring of 2012.  It seems like FOREVER ago!  By the time we actually complete the vacation though, I think I may be considered an expert!

The hotel is reserved, the rental car is reserved, the airline tickets are paid for and the CityPass tickets are safely tucked away in the designated "Disney" folder.  Everything is just sitting there waiting to actually be ready to go.  To say that I'm super excited would be an understatement.  I know it's cheezy to say, but I've literally been waiting my WHOLE LIFE for this moment.  We're going.  We're really going.  I'm going to see the princesses castle.  I'm going to get to hug Mickey Mouse.  I'm going to wear Mickey ears and it be completely socially accepted.  I'm going to interact with Tinker Bell and ride on Magic Mountain.  It's going to be epic.  Really epic.  And then all the adventures of simply being in California.  I'm going to dip my toes into the ocean and watch the kids jump over the waves.  They've never experienced that before.  It's truly going to be an amazing vacation.  I just. can't. wait.

I'll have to though. *pout face*

The Big 3-0

I constantly get weird looks when I tell people that I'm so excited to be 30.  Why shouldn't I be though?!  Getting older is a natural progression of life and the opportunity to celebrate another year just means that I'm still needed on this planet.  My time isn't up yet.

I may be a little more eager than some to leave my 20's behind.  It was quite the decade, filled with great memories and not so great memories.  Billy and I bought our first house; we welcomed our first born son; Billy joined the military; we welcomed our precious baby girl; we moved with the military and welcomed another bouncing baby boy.  It was an exciting few years.  I was near death after a medical procedure went wrong; we were in a car wreck with all three kids in the car a few weeks after that; our marriage made it through a lot of ups, downs and separations due to the military; we bought a house and we started to plant some roots.  It was quite the roller coaster.  I went back to school several times - which was filled with it's own successes and failures.  Billy left the military and we made it through a very scary time of unemployment.  I've been a stay-at-home mom, a working mom and now back to a stay-at-home mom again.  I was diagnosed and treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I went through some heavy stuff, but came out the other side of it with a new understanding of life and family.  All of that, and countless more experiences, in just a span of 10 years.  I look at all of that everyday with the unwavering sense that it was all part of a bigger picture.  If God did all of that for me, with me, through me in just my 20's; I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and my family these next ten years.

So THAT is why I'm excited to be thirty.  I'm ready to embrace all the lessons my 20's taught me.  I'm thankful to see all of my blessings continue to grow.  I'm eager to say goodbye to the failures and the struggles.  I'm ready to see what I can do with the knowledge and perspective I received because of those failures and struggles.  It really does seem like this completely different chapter for me.  I'm excited.  I'm anxious.  I have limitless ideals, goals and plans for my future.  Thirty is going to be fantastic.  And even if it's not, I'll find a way to MAKE it fantastic. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.