Our eldest son is 10. Gabe is so sweet. He's so funny, silly and eager to get a laugh out of anyone within earshot. To say that he marches to the beat of his own drum is an understatement. He's shy and outgoing at the same time. He's optimistic, but a pessimist within the same breath. He loves to be the center of attention, but is a wallflower too. He's so friendly and helpful, yet other times he won't make eye contact or speak to anyone. He's a walking conundrum and I couldn't be more in love with who he is.
He's had some "quirks" for a very long time. Since birth, almost. Little things that never really added up to anything for me. They were just Gabe. Part of who he is. He's picky and he's stubborn and he likes things just so. Most kids do, so I never paid it much attention. It becomes a battle sometimes though. He barely eats and is practically a vegan because he just hates so many things. It has almost nothing to do with taste and everything to do with texture. He just can't stand the texture of most meats. Clothing is another battle. Jeans are almost always a no go. He hates the way the feel. Any pants/shorts are a battle though. They have to sit just so on his waist. They can't be too tight, but they can't be too loose either. They have to be a certain material. If the button or strings touch him, he doesn't like that. The list goes on and on. I used to think it was just a "quirk" and would force him to do things anyway. It's just a pair of jeans, suck it up, buttercup. It was like torture to him though. I slowly learned that it wasn't just a pair of jeans - not to him. It really was torture. What nails on a chalkboard sounds like to me is what jeans on his legs feels like to him. He just can't stand it.
Over time, as he's gotten older, these little "quirks" have grown into more disruptive things. He can't be in a sitting position without a foot underneath him or his legs pulled into his chest. Not so great when you have to sit in class all day. Thoughts pop into his head that he just can't stop thinking about unless he states them out loud. Even if they don't pertain to anything that's going on, if it's in his head, it simply must come out. He becomes so focused on some things that it becomes an actual obsession. He eats, sleeps and breathes whatever he's focused on. His essays in class are all about this one topic and he spends hours studying and mastering it. Right now, it just so happens to be Minecraft. A game lots of kids enjoy and play, but there's a literal obsession there for Gabe.
There are other key factors that lead into having a discussion with his school counselor, but a discussion did happen. I cried, of course. I thought it was no big deal and I was just going to express my concerns, but having to say out loud to another person that I was worried that something might be "wrong" with my child was gut-wrenching. He's smart and funny and quirky. He's my sweet Gabe. There's nothing "wrong" with him. I hate the idea that anyone will ever view him as anything but a smart, funny guy. So admitting that I had some concerns that something might be wrong was just..... it was unfathomable to me that I'd ever say it. There I was though.
His teacher and counselor were incredibly supportive. We talked about a few things that could be going on and, just to rule it out, decided to assess him for Autism. I filled out an assessment and his teacher filled out an assessment. We didn't come up with exactly the same observations, and that's okay. What she sees during the day and what I see during the day are going to be two different things. When I got that assessment back and it read, "Very Likely" in reference to being within the Autism spectrum, the whole world stopped spinning. Everything went silent, yet my mind was screaming out. I've never experienced such silence yet chaos at the same time. My child; my perfect little angel that drives me insane and makes me laugh all in the same moments; may be Autistic. What. Did. I. Do. Wrong?
That's all I could think. What did I do wrong? What did I do to cause this? Why did I wait so long to get him assessed? Could I have helped him earlier and maybe he'd be okay? Is it too late? Will this affect him negatively for the rest of his life? What are others going to say about him? Will he be judged and immediately pushed aside because of a diagnosis? My mind wouldn't shut off. Thank God for a supportive husband who gave me a hug and whispered, "Gabe is still Gabe" in my ear while I sobbed. In that moment, I stopped freaking out. He was so right. Gabe is still Gabe. This doesn't "mean" anything. All it does is give us a diagnosis that we can work with. A diagnosis that we can take to his school, a therapist and doctors to get the resources and tools necessary to help him. There's still nothing "wrong" with him. He's still smart, funny and marches to the beat of his own drum. Now though, we can help him at least march on step to the beat of that drum (is that a dorky analogy?) We can help him cope with some of his sensitivities. We can give him tools on how to appropriately react to situations that make him uncomfortable. We can retrain his brain to understand that overwhelming sensations or thoughts aren't as overwhelming as he thinks they are.
I find myself excited for the next steps. His doctor concurs with the schools assessment and has referred us on to a developmental center that will assess him more thoroughly to get more specific resources and tools in place for him. Sure, he may be Autistic, but he's incredibly high functioning and will do perfectly fine in life. Gabe keeps asking, "What's that disorder called again? Awesome?" and he just smiles. I don't know if he's trying to comfort me or just be his usual silly self, but I love it every time he says it. I've already had a few of those insensitive people that ask "What's wrong with him?" when he acts certain ways. I think he's on the right track. The next time someone says that, I'll just smile and respond with, "He's awesome."
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Friday, October 17, 2014
Go Tell It On the Mountain
Two months ago, I set a goal for myself. I was going to start working out and, on October 11th, I wanted to do something I had never done before. Climb Pinnacle Mountain. Not only have I never been physically fit enough, but I also have a great fear of heights. I have anxieties about being up on a mountain and not being able to get help if I need it. I freak out at the thought of once I'm up there, I'm up there. There is no quick and easy way back down. You just have to do it.
Sadly, October 11th came and went. The weather was bad and it turned out to be a busy day full of other obligations and family activities. Today though, October 16th the kids were out of school, the weather was gorgeous and there wasn't an excuse in the world not to finally meet my goal.
I started out strong. All three kids and my brother, Ben, were with me. I can't give up if my children are watching, right? Right. It's a very steep and "strenuous" trail up to the summit. I got about a 1/4 up and was a mess. I hurt, my pulse was racing, I was sweating and was psyching myself out. Not in a good way. I sat on a rock and told the kids to keep going. I tried to catch my breath and started to cry. "I'm failing! I can't do this!" I'm sure the other hikers passing by thought I was nuts. I rested for a few minutes though, brushed myself off and kept going. I wasn't winning a marathon, but I was doing it!
At about the halfway point, I stopped for a good breather and a photo op. I was pretty high up. My anxieties were setting in, but I wanted to enjoy the beauty rather than allow myself to freak out at the fact that I was up so high. Pictures were a great distraction. I was still doing it! I was half way up the mountain and I wasn't dead yet!
We headed up a little further and came to a few signs warning us that we were nearing the top. It got steeper and steeper. I had to stop several times to catch my breath and rest. I found myself counting the stones on the path to keep my mind occupied. Other hikers were passing me. Some had already gone up and come back down. I was starting to judge myself and feeling so pathetic. Kids were bounding up and down the trail while I huffed and puffed. People twice my age were jogging, JOGGGING, the trail and barely breaking a sweat. I wondered if they looked at me with the same pathetic judgment that I looked at myself with. I stopped myself though. Everyone else is enjoying themselves and loving the view. I'm the only one thinking such harsh things about myself. "Stop it, Glenna. You're doing this."
We reached a point where there was nowhere to go but up. A sign depicted a small map showing us two different routes. One a little easier than the other. I stupidly misread it and took the more difficult path. It was just boulders to climb instead of an actual path. Boulders. Loose, jiggly, random boulders with no obvious rhyme or reason. No path to make me feel like I was going the right way. No more stones placed like steps for me to focus on. Just random boulders that I had to shimmy my fat butt up. Are you kidding me?
To me, these are the things nightmares are made out of. I trudged on, talking to myself the whole time. "It's just like stairs. It's fine. Nothing is going to happen." Alyssa and Ben had gone so far ahead by this point that we couldn't see them anymore. It was just me, Brayden and Gabe. They were ahead of me cheering me on. Telling me that it was fun, safe and I could do it. God bless those sweet boys. There was a tree about halfway up that I grabbed onto to help pull myself forward and when I went to take another step, I couldn't bring myself to let go of that tree. I looked over my shoulder and could see the Arkansas river. We were really high up now. I looked down behind me and saw the wall of boulders I was climbing up. I could feel my mind starting to go completely fuzzy. Not that I was going to pass out, but that I was going to FREAK out! And freak out, I did. I grabbed the tree with both arms, hugging it like it was a life saver. I started to hyperventilate a little and told the boys to go ahead to the bench. "Momma is freaking out. I just need a minute." I started crying uncontrollably, sobbing, trying to catch my breath. A few more people hiked past giving me that look and I just shook my head at them. I was fully aware of my freak out. I was desperately trying to bring myself back out of it, but I just needed to let myself freak out for a second. I heard Brayden start to come back down towards me and say, "I'm getting scared too, Momma." I looked up to see tears in his eyes while Gabe was standing a little further up telling us we could go back down if we wanted. "No! No, Glenna! You are NOT going to make your kids scared of things just because you are scared of things. We are not quitters! Suck it up and keep going!" So that's what I did. I let go of the tree and grabbed Brayden's hand. I told him that I was just feeling overwhelmed, needed to freak out for a second, but I was good. We got to the top of the seemingly endless boulder wall and sat down for some water. I assured the boys that even though this was scary for me, that I wanted to do it. That none of us were giving up! We're doing this. And I was!
After the big boulder wall of doom was the final ascension to the summit. They were no longer boulders, but just jagged, random rocks. It was the top of the mountain. I'm not sure what I really expected, but it was do or die time. I thought the boulder wall was bad? This was even steeper. The top was literally right there though, so onward and upward! That last little bit took the longest, I think. I'd climb over a couple rocks and have to stop. This went on for 15 or 20 minutes probably. I refused to look around and focused only on the rocks. It wasn't Mount Everest, but it sure seemed like it to me.
I was almost at my point of completely breaking down again when I put my knee up on a beautifully smooth, cool rock and didn't see another rock above that to move too. I. Was. At. The. Top. I MADE IT! I took a deep breath, sat on the rock, looked around and...... I vomited. Sorry, but I did. I was exhausted, I had pushed myself past my physical and mental breaking point and I quite literally had to release the tension. I regained my composure though and took it all in. I was really high up, but I was sitting atop a beautiful, sturdy mountain that wasn't going anywhere. I was safe. I was fine. The boys sat with me for a few minutes and we just stared into the distance. It sucked, it was hard, I thought I wanted to quit, I thought I would fail - but I did it. I was there. I had conquered my Mount Everest!
Monday, September 8, 2014
This Little Light of Mine
It's such a common occurrence for people to struggle with their calling in life. "What do I want to be when I grow up?". Well, I think the same is true in our walk with God. What do I want to be as I grow up in my faith and my relationship with God?
I've been talking with a friend a lot lately about God's purpose and calling for our lives. There are people who are called to go to foreign countries to share the story of Jesus. There are people who are called to sing praise and worship songs in front of a congregation of people. There are people who are called to feed the hungry, or preach the gospel, or to tell their story to the masses..... Thank God for "those" people. I'm not one of "those" people. It's just not my calling in life. Not right now, at least, and that's okay! My calling in life is to be a person that makes it possible for "those" people to follow their calling. My calling in life is to serve others so that they may serve others.
A good friend of mine is constantly reminding me to never feel like the things that I do aren't significant. I always smile, nod and think to myself, "No reminder necessary". I don't at all mean for it to come off conceited, it's just that God has spoken to me quite clearly about my calling in life and how significant it is. Caring for children while their parents hear the word of God, cleaning a room so that it's safe and sanitary for people to use, getting paperwork all set up so that leaders can teach children about God, etc, etc. It may all seem like silly little stuff to some people, but to me - I know it's what needs to happen so that everyone can follow their calling in life. So that anyone and everyone that wants to learn more about God can have that opportunity. It's important and significant to me because it's important and significant to God.
Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven. Matthew 5:16
Nothing I do is for me. I'm not printing copies of a lesson plan or playing duck, duck goose with toddlers because I think it's going to get me to Heaven. I don't do it hoping to get a pat on the back. I do it because it's a part of God's plan and purpose. I do it because doing those tasks may free up two seconds of someone else's time who can then use that two seconds to reach someone that may not have otherwise been reached. It's my calling. It's my "good deeds" that I hope and pray glorify the Father. That I know glorify the Father because it's what he has called me to do. And I love it. And I'll keep doing it for as long as I'm needed.
My prayer is that others find their calling too. Serve beside me and help with the behind the scenes stuff or loving on some sweet kiddos. Be the one up front teaching others. Be the hands and feet of God. Sing. Preach. Help others. Fix things. Make things. Be a prayer warrior. God can use us in 1,000,001 different ways. All we have to do is stop, listen and be willing to do what it is He is asking of us.
I've been talking with a friend a lot lately about God's purpose and calling for our lives. There are people who are called to go to foreign countries to share the story of Jesus. There are people who are called to sing praise and worship songs in front of a congregation of people. There are people who are called to feed the hungry, or preach the gospel, or to tell their story to the masses..... Thank God for "those" people. I'm not one of "those" people. It's just not my calling in life. Not right now, at least, and that's okay! My calling in life is to be a person that makes it possible for "those" people to follow their calling. My calling in life is to serve others so that they may serve others.
A good friend of mine is constantly reminding me to never feel like the things that I do aren't significant. I always smile, nod and think to myself, "No reminder necessary". I don't at all mean for it to come off conceited, it's just that God has spoken to me quite clearly about my calling in life and how significant it is. Caring for children while their parents hear the word of God, cleaning a room so that it's safe and sanitary for people to use, getting paperwork all set up so that leaders can teach children about God, etc, etc. It may all seem like silly little stuff to some people, but to me - I know it's what needs to happen so that everyone can follow their calling in life. So that anyone and everyone that wants to learn more about God can have that opportunity. It's important and significant to me because it's important and significant to God.
Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven. Matthew 5:16
Nothing I do is for me. I'm not printing copies of a lesson plan or playing duck, duck goose with toddlers because I think it's going to get me to Heaven. I don't do it hoping to get a pat on the back. I do it because it's a part of God's plan and purpose. I do it because doing those tasks may free up two seconds of someone else's time who can then use that two seconds to reach someone that may not have otherwise been reached. It's my calling. It's my "good deeds" that I hope and pray glorify the Father. That I know glorify the Father because it's what he has called me to do. And I love it. And I'll keep doing it for as long as I'm needed.
My prayer is that others find their calling too. Serve beside me and help with the behind the scenes stuff or loving on some sweet kiddos. Be the one up front teaching others. Be the hands and feet of God. Sing. Preach. Help others. Fix things. Make things. Be a prayer warrior. God can use us in 1,000,001 different ways. All we have to do is stop, listen and be willing to do what it is He is asking of us.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Add This To My Resume
I've been hinting for awhile about a "new opportunity" for me at church, but wasn't sure if I was really supposed to talk about it or not, so I tried to stay as mum as possible. Hard to do when you're SO excited and eager to get to work! It was officially announced yesterday though, so I feel like I can finally say something. I've volunteered here and there at church for quite awhile now. I served in the nursery at first, then moved to the toddler room on Sundays. I get to serve next to the sweetest guy I know. We're a great husband and wife team if you ask me. :) Then I started helping out with childcare on Friday nights for a group that meets. Lots of opportunities to love on some really great kids from all walks of life.
Now, I'm very pleased to announce that I am the Volunteer Coordinator! It's just fancy words for getting to help out with some behind the scenes stuff, but I'm excited beyond words. One of the things I'm MOST excited about is that I'll get to start doing some of the "interviews" that we do with new volunteers. I use the term "interview" loosely. I'm not judging anyone to decide if they are right for the job, I'll just simply get to be that person that helps them find where God is calling them to be. To tell them all about the Children's Ministry, how we work, what our goals are, what God commands us to do and where/how they can really plug in. Something I didn't EVER think I would want to do, but knowing that I get to just fills my heart with joy. I'm over the moon excited to help in the Children's Ministry in a completely different way. I will still be serving on Sundays to help take care of, teach and love on those sweet kids. I would never walk away from that "job". I love it too much. I'm just simply adding in this new stuff.
Wish me luck as I travel down this new path. I truly feel completely lead by God to serve in this area and take my new role very seriously. It's not something I want to just do loosey-goosey and hope for the best. I'm giving it my undivided attention. I want to make sure I get everything right, so that all the fantastic people that volunteer on Sundays can do what they do best without having to worry about where their lessons are or if they have enough worksheets. I want new volunteers to come in, feel comfortable and confident about how God is moving through our church, and really understand how He can move through all of us too. Volunteers really are the hands and feet of God. It's time to move!
Now, I'm very pleased to announce that I am the Volunteer Coordinator! It's just fancy words for getting to help out with some behind the scenes stuff, but I'm excited beyond words. One of the things I'm MOST excited about is that I'll get to start doing some of the "interviews" that we do with new volunteers. I use the term "interview" loosely. I'm not judging anyone to decide if they are right for the job, I'll just simply get to be that person that helps them find where God is calling them to be. To tell them all about the Children's Ministry, how we work, what our goals are, what God commands us to do and where/how they can really plug in. Something I didn't EVER think I would want to do, but knowing that I get to just fills my heart with joy. I'm over the moon excited to help in the Children's Ministry in a completely different way. I will still be serving on Sundays to help take care of, teach and love on those sweet kids. I would never walk away from that "job". I love it too much. I'm just simply adding in this new stuff.
Wish me luck as I travel down this new path. I truly feel completely lead by God to serve in this area and take my new role very seriously. It's not something I want to just do loosey-goosey and hope for the best. I'm giving it my undivided attention. I want to make sure I get everything right, so that all the fantastic people that volunteer on Sundays can do what they do best without having to worry about where their lessons are or if they have enough worksheets. I want new volunteers to come in, feel comfortable and confident about how God is moving through our church, and really understand how He can move through all of us too. Volunteers really are the hands and feet of God. It's time to move!
Friday, August 8, 2014
Love What You Do
I was chatting with someone at the gas station this morning (while getting my morning caffeine fix!) and they asked, "So what do you do?" I started to go into auto-pilot and say, "Oh, I'm just a stay-at-home mom", but I stopped myself. I'm not "just" anything. I don't know why I downplay myself sometimes. I think I sometimes feel judged (even if I'm not being judged at all) for not having an actual career or for not being college educated. What do I do? I do a LOT! I do the things I love more than anything on this planet. I serve a mighty God. I serve others whenever possible. I'm a devoted and submissive wife to the best man a girl could ever ask for. I'm a mother to three gorgeous children who are constantly teaching me something new about life and parenthood. "What do I do?" you ask? The list of things that i do is too long, getting longer by the day, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I do what I love and I love what I do.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Take My Life - Lead Me, Lord
I've been struggling for awhile now trying to figure out what it is that God is calling me to do. I thought maybe something to do with music, but after talking with Kristen (our church's worship leader), I knew that wasn't quite right. My heart just belongs to the children's ministry. Maybe being better about singing and working with the kids on Sundays? Yeah, maybe. That feels a little better. I'm on the right path. I know God's wanting more out of me though.
Then, on Saturday, I had a bit of an epiphany. This was my facebook post from that day:
"While mowing a friends lawn today, I found myself talking to God. Asking Him some questions and hoping for some clarity about some things that are going on in my life. Just simply to enjoy the moment alone to clear my thoughts while I worked. Then it got hotter and hotter, the grass got harder and harder to cut, the mower kept poopin' out - before I knew it my calm, patient conversation with God had turned into a whiney-fest. I was hot, frustrated and wondering why the heck I volunteered to mow on the hottest day we've had in weeks. Am I glutton for punishment?!?! Is God testing me?! What's the deal!!!??!! I quite literally groaned out loud, "Could you at least send me a cool breeze or something?!?!" Not even a minute later, I heard the rumble of a loud engine and looked over to see the neighbor on a riding lawn mower offering to mow everything I hadn't done yet.
OK, God. I hear ya. A big mower that could plow down all that thick grass was definitely better than a cool breeze. I'm thankful for my lesson in remaining patient, humble and remembering that I really don't need to worry too much. To serve where I can and God will take care of the rest. I love those moments when God quite literally answers all of my questions and prayers within the hour. lol — feeling humbled."
He answered my prayers quite specifically. Leaps and bounds above what I was even asking. I just wanted a cool breeze and He sent a riding lawn mower to do the job for me. That's when I knew for certain that I'm being called to serve others, wherever that might be. I have lots of skills, lots of talents and lots of resources to make things happen - just use them! Just go! That was the lesson God was teaching me and guiding me in. Serve others, selflessly and with a humble heart, and let Him take care of the rest. He knows when I'm tired and frustrated, but there's always something bigger going on. I've done some odd things lately that I don't advertise that I know how to do (mostly because I don't actually know how to do them! lol) Yet almost every single day for two weeks, I've been given opportunity after opportunity to help someone out a little. Sometimes it's a simple, mindless little task like mowing and other times it's something more significant.
Then today at church, a sweet friend named Connie stopped to talk to me for a second. She said some of the kindest, most encouraging words anyone has ever said to me. She said she can tell God is calling me to do important things and that I'm already becoming such a wonderful leader without even realizing it. WHAT?! Me? A leader? No, no, no. I don't think so. Very nice of her to say, but I'm no leader. Her words were heavy on my heart though. The exact same heaviness (not in a bad way) I had been feeling for a few weeks. That feeling that I'm being called to do something specific and I must figure out what it is. As much as I don't view myself as a leader, her words stuck with me.
A moment later, good ol' Josh came over to talk. He's the Children's Ministry Leader. Super awesome, enthusiastic guy that does great things with the kids and youth. He asked me if I had a minute to talk. He proceeded to extend a fantastic opportunity to me that will really allow me to get to know more people. To get involved in church at a completely different level. Not only will I get to serve others, but I would get to be part of the process of helping other people serve others! How amazing is that?! And all of this would be in direct relation to serving in the Children's Ministry. My sweet infants, toddlers and preschool-aged kids that I simply adore. I haven't given him an answer yet, but it's a REALLY exciting opportunity that I'm praying about and seriously considering. Although, I think it may be a no brainer what my decision will be.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - I have NEVER more clearly heard God speaking to me and moving in my life as I have since becoming an active member at ThatChurch. (http://thatchurch.com/) I'm so very excited to see what God does with me next. I hear ya, God. I'm listening. Use me!
Then, on Saturday, I had a bit of an epiphany. This was my facebook post from that day:
"While mowing a friends lawn today, I found myself talking to God. Asking Him some questions and hoping for some clarity about some things that are going on in my life. Just simply to enjoy the moment alone to clear my thoughts while I worked. Then it got hotter and hotter, the grass got harder and harder to cut, the mower kept poopin' out - before I knew it my calm, patient conversation with God had turned into a whiney-fest. I was hot, frustrated and wondering why the heck I volunteered to mow on the hottest day we've had in weeks. Am I glutton for punishment?!?! Is God testing me?! What's the deal!!!??!! I quite literally groaned out loud, "Could you at least send me a cool breeze or something?!?!" Not even a minute later, I heard the rumble of a loud engine and looked over to see the neighbor on a riding lawn mower offering to mow everything I hadn't done yet.
OK, God. I hear ya. A big mower that could plow down all that thick grass was definitely better than a cool breeze. I'm thankful for my lesson in remaining patient, humble and remembering that I really don't need to worry too much. To serve where I can and God will take care of the rest. I love those moments when God quite literally answers all of my questions and prayers within the hour. lol — feeling humbled."
He answered my prayers quite specifically. Leaps and bounds above what I was even asking. I just wanted a cool breeze and He sent a riding lawn mower to do the job for me. That's when I knew for certain that I'm being called to serve others, wherever that might be. I have lots of skills, lots of talents and lots of resources to make things happen - just use them! Just go! That was the lesson God was teaching me and guiding me in. Serve others, selflessly and with a humble heart, and let Him take care of the rest. He knows when I'm tired and frustrated, but there's always something bigger going on. I've done some odd things lately that I don't advertise that I know how to do (mostly because I don't actually know how to do them! lol) Yet almost every single day for two weeks, I've been given opportunity after opportunity to help someone out a little. Sometimes it's a simple, mindless little task like mowing and other times it's something more significant.
Then today at church, a sweet friend named Connie stopped to talk to me for a second. She said some of the kindest, most encouraging words anyone has ever said to me. She said she can tell God is calling me to do important things and that I'm already becoming such a wonderful leader without even realizing it. WHAT?! Me? A leader? No, no, no. I don't think so. Very nice of her to say, but I'm no leader. Her words were heavy on my heart though. The exact same heaviness (not in a bad way) I had been feeling for a few weeks. That feeling that I'm being called to do something specific and I must figure out what it is. As much as I don't view myself as a leader, her words stuck with me.
A moment later, good ol' Josh came over to talk. He's the Children's Ministry Leader. Super awesome, enthusiastic guy that does great things with the kids and youth. He asked me if I had a minute to talk. He proceeded to extend a fantastic opportunity to me that will really allow me to get to know more people. To get involved in church at a completely different level. Not only will I get to serve others, but I would get to be part of the process of helping other people serve others! How amazing is that?! And all of this would be in direct relation to serving in the Children's Ministry. My sweet infants, toddlers and preschool-aged kids that I simply adore. I haven't given him an answer yet, but it's a REALLY exciting opportunity that I'm praying about and seriously considering. Although, I think it may be a no brainer what my decision will be.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - I have NEVER more clearly heard God speaking to me and moving in my life as I have since becoming an active member at ThatChurch. (http://thatchurch.com/) I'm so very excited to see what God does with me next. I hear ya, God. I'm listening. Use me!
Monday, February 17, 2014
Happiness Becomes Her
I wish I could put my finger on it. I wish I could explain to others why I'm so happy in my life. Things aren't perfect. Far from it actually. We have financial struggles that we don't discuss with others. We have flaws within our marriage that we quarrel over and constantly work on. I'm not as productive as a stay-at-home mother/wife as I thought I would be. I fail miserably at parenting at least a few times every day. I am an incredibly flawed person with so many things that could really keep me down. I'm happy though. Truly happy. The flaws and imperfections are part of what drive me to do better tomorrow. They are my built-in reminder that there's always something more in my future. If everything was perfectly perfect.... what's left to do in life? Having so much to work on and work towards, to me, is a message that I'm not done yet. That my future is long and bright. I guess some would look at it in the opposite light. The imperfections could be a constant reminder of failure. "Life sucks and then we die." True, I suppose, but it's a lot more entertaining and worthwhile to find the good rather than being consumed by the bad. That's my optimism speaking.
Many people roll their eyes at the notion that God plays a big part in my happiness, but it's true. Others don't have to believe nor understand, but in furthest reaches of my soul, I truly believe that's the root of it all. My religious beliefs have given me the tools necessary to cope with things beyond my control. Life does suck and we will all die at some point, but what you do with everything in between is what matters. I look at my husband and I look at our children and I can't help but think, how can I not be happy? Things don't have to be perfect to be happy. There are a million different blessings hidden inside all of the crap in the world and our lives. I'll miss it if I spend too much time wallowing in the crappy stuff. I have missed it in the past several times. Never again though.
I may not be able to pin-point how or why I seem to get it now. Why I understand the things I understand or view things the way I view them. Maybe it came with age. Maybe it came with being involved in a church family that really encourages and loves me. Perhaps it's just something engrained in me somewhere. I have no idea. All I know is that I'm happy. The good, the bad and the indifferent - I thank God for all of it. I am truly blessed.
Many people roll their eyes at the notion that God plays a big part in my happiness, but it's true. Others don't have to believe nor understand, but in furthest reaches of my soul, I truly believe that's the root of it all. My religious beliefs have given me the tools necessary to cope with things beyond my control. Life does suck and we will all die at some point, but what you do with everything in between is what matters. I look at my husband and I look at our children and I can't help but think, how can I not be happy? Things don't have to be perfect to be happy. There are a million different blessings hidden inside all of the crap in the world and our lives. I'll miss it if I spend too much time wallowing in the crappy stuff. I have missed it in the past several times. Never again though.
I may not be able to pin-point how or why I seem to get it now. Why I understand the things I understand or view things the way I view them. Maybe it came with age. Maybe it came with being involved in a church family that really encourages and loves me. Perhaps it's just something engrained in me somewhere. I have no idea. All I know is that I'm happy. The good, the bad and the indifferent - I thank God for all of it. I am truly blessed.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Epiphanies at the Gym
I had
a bit of an epiphany today at the gym. I've still been going every
morning (I think it's finally 'habit' and not so much a chore), but I
still constantly judge myself harshly. "She's thinner than me." "He
can do more laps than me." "She can keep a faster pace than me" "I'll
never meet my goals like they have met theirs". I would still find
myself looking at other people and comparing myself to them. I want her legs and I want my butt to look like that and dear Lord please let me be that skinny someday.
But TODAY I went to the gym and didn't wish for someone else's body or to reach someone else's goal. I found myself accepting that THIS is my body and it will look how it looks - and that's okay. I may never be a size 2 like the girl on the treadmill every morning - and that's okay. That's her body and this is my body. My body will never be like someone else's.
While I still have insecurities about my body and being at the gym, I find myself being a little less harsh and a lot more reasonable every single day. I WILL get there. It takes time, but it will happen. Those people are at the gym to maintain the body they have and I am at the gym to get back to the body I want. Both PERFECTLY okay. Maybe it's a realization everyone else has already firmly grasped, but it was a BIG deal for me.
But TODAY I went to the gym and didn't wish for someone else's body or to reach someone else's goal. I found myself accepting that THIS is my body and it will look how it looks - and that's okay. I may never be a size 2 like the girl on the treadmill every morning - and that's okay. That's her body and this is my body. My body will never be like someone else's.
While I still have insecurities about my body and being at the gym, I find myself being a little less harsh and a lot more reasonable every single day. I WILL get there. It takes time, but it will happen. Those people are at the gym to maintain the body they have and I am at the gym to get back to the body I want. Both PERFECTLY okay. Maybe it's a realization everyone else has already firmly grasped, but it was a BIG deal for me.
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